Pre-wedding thoughts

Just this afternoon, I was encoding both of my affidavit of parental advice and parental consent to marriage as part of my requirements for the civil wedding with my German boyfriend.

Excuse me? Did I just say wedding?

Yeah, I will be married. As young as I am, I will be.

As a great thinker and as straightforward as I am, a lot of things in logical reasoning are popping out in my head right now. Why?

1. Because I am a wedding hater.
Even years ago, I attended the weddings of my cousins, and all of them are sick. Why? It's either they got married just because they are already pregnant or they made their girlfriends pregnant in an instant  (like those in the factories).

2. Because I am dumbass.
Although I am a bitch, both spoken and written. BITCH as in Beautifully Intelligent To be Caught by Heart, I always shoo away suitors but, ironically, I fall in love without hesitance and doubts. Yes, I do fall in love so fast that it doesn't even need another night for me to realize that I have fallen in love. But when I do fall, it's eternal. So as much as possible, the man should be the right one. Yet, there are really circumstances that doesn't coincide with my desires. So, I fell in love and still left broken.

So, with that, I promised not to let these men get in my heart. To be honest, I played with them. Fooled them around. So, with fierce seduction, I was able to get men with my hook. But, after doing so, I find these things not enjoyable. Thus, it made me so numb to let my current boyfriend get in to my heart before he did caught my heart. Well, he is too persistent and too confident to really get in. He was totally challenged, I guess. So, that was it.

3. Because I am too young.
That thought of getting married at 22, is too young for a career woman like me. But, that was before I met him. I have read a lot of articles that marrying in an early age can have a high risk of divorce. So, that also scared me. It's because, we might not know what will happen in the future. Well, this thought is to pessimistic.

On the brighter side, it's my personal decision to override my pessimism with optimism. It's my personal decision to get married at 22. It's my personal decision to spend with my boyfriend for the rest of my life no matter what happens in the future. It's all my decision. In fact, even my grandmother married my grandfather at the age 22, too, my aunt at around 20 or 21, and my grandaunt, at 13. See? Seems like I am enlisting myself to family tradition.  

4. Because my freedom will be at stake.
I am so independent that my parents really hate about me. Even my circle of friends and even my bosses, they hate me so much because they really don't know what's going on just because I don't tell them of what I am currently been doing. It's because I am too confident to finish all these tasks without letting them know. I am the type of person who doesn't inform others about what I am actually doing. Giving updates is my weakness. I am kinda private, secretive type of person in this sense. When I have plans, I just face them myself and when problems arises, people will just notice me so problematic that they don't even know what I am been stressing out. They will just know if they will force me to. But, if they don't, I won't tell them.

This kind of freedom-seeker attitude that I have will be changed when I get married. Klar, I am married. The two of us will really help each other to face each problems and together, solve these problems. TOGETHER. NOT ALONE. TOGETHER. TOGETHER.

So, I am really aware of this part. My freedom in this sense will change dramatically. With God's grace, it will be aided by my husband-to-be.

Author's Notes (for my boyfriend):

Dear Schatz, 

I know you did observe my behavior for the past months and how they change dramatically. They actually change from time to time. So, I know there are times that I don't tell you of my problems. So, I am really thankful that you have been so patient with me, dear. Thank you for being with me until this day. I will not dare lose you, Schatz.  Nothing will hinder my love for you. It's so strong. It can flush the shit away from the toilet. :P 

Seriously, Schatz, you know that I am still young and you know that I still have a lot to do. So, please don't make a cage for me in the future. Just support me just like the way you are doing now. We will support each other. I will support your endeavors and you, too, for mine. 

In totality, Schatz, thank you a lot. Vielen dank! I love you so much, Schatz. 

Sincerely,

Messy Mes. :D