Monday, April 28, 2014

Deeply in love with a more mature man

Are you in love? So am I. I am deeply in love.
How? I don't know. It just happens.
Why? He's not perfect. He has mistakes. He has his imperfections. But, I still love him.
Well, I will tell you exactly how I discovered that I am already in love in a deep personal level.

I know that we all have different interpretations on this term. Love. It can an emotion but also a social form of responsibility. As youth like me, I am just in my early 20s, I know that in this phase, hormonal factors really affect definitions towards love and how we see romance in this part. Geographical origin can also affect the way we deal with love and how we view love. But, in general, I wonder, why would two different people of different origins could still fall in love with each other regardless of their cultural differences? If we all have different insights on love because of current trend or its present, why would a 39-year-old man fall in love with a 21-year-old lady like me? If we have differences like these, why would it still be possible that the two culturally-different people could still fall in love?

Based from experience, these are the things I have in mind why I fell in love with a 39-year-old man though he was 18 years old than me.

1. Attitude. 
This is what I actually looking for a man though I like mingling with men of my age. But, there is this factor that I really am looking for my mate. As observed with my boyfriend, he has possessed the character that I have been asking for so long. Understanding, loving, caring, patient, thoughtful. Regardless of his imperfections, I still am able to accept him because of the traits he has that I really adore.

2. Maturity.
Personally, I don't like immature kind of man. I don't know. Maybe this is because this is what I see in my father. I like men who are older than me than men of my age bracket. I don't have to be a know-how to express that majority of the men of 20s are still immature and I don't have to be arrogant telling them that they are not yet of my level though they may be a few years older than me. But, there is this factor that really made me fall over my knees to him and told myself, "This is the man I am dreaming of."

3. Stability.
I am aware that love can die if two people keep on arguing because of lack of finances to stabilize family. Imagine, if the loving couple doesn't have anything to eat, love can die. Why? Nagging occurs instantly. Each of them may blame each other for not being able to have work or enough finances to survive the family. Sometimes, they end up family bankruptcy because of bank loans and so on just to survive the physiological needs of the family. These things made me really decide to really check if the person is stable or not. Because I am the type of girl who doesn't just decide for the present but for the long-term process.

4. Pampering.
Men of my ages may be a thoughtful one to pamper me in some ways. But, I really have this feeling where I need to be pampered in his own way. This is one of the reasons why I go to relationships with more mature men because they have this unnoticed ability to take care of me in a mature manner. I have been too responsible for many years as an eldest daughter. In sub-conscious part of me, there is really that little voice telling me that I also needed to be pampered just like I pamper my younger sister or even my family per se. I wanted to feel that I am a younger sister, too, by him. Where he could guide me and advice me on what should be the thing that I do in some inevitable circumstances because he maybe has been in that same experience, too. In that way, I could learn more. At times, I thought, I am so tired of acting like a mature one. I'd like to act like a kid again and think like one even in a proper time/s. I think most of the eldest daughters that I know has this same feeling. But, they are just hiding or preventing it to be noticeable by public.

5. Level of loving.  
Loving at this juncture is really deep and intense and serious. I really prayed for so many years that I will be able to meet my first and my last boyfriend. The only man I will love for the rest of my life and the only husband that I will have until eternity, and the only father of my kids in the future. And the only way to achieve this is to be with a mature man. When he said,  "Hey, I am not into playing games," it gave me a feeling that I am secured with this person. He may be 18 years older than me but he has the heart that could launch missiles and can move mountains. This is the kind of intensity that I am looking for in a relationship. But, I didn't say that men of my age cannot do the same, but it's just that majority of the population in that same bracket are still in the middle of selecting mates and enjoying life to the fullest before they settle down. However, in my case, he is already 39 turning 40 years old this year, he is into settling down. This is what I am looking for. Although I am still querky 21-year-old lady, I am into settling down. I didn't say I am rushing because I really am not rushing. It's just that I met him in this age and I thank God for that.

Author's Notes: 

We all have different of experiences and opinions. But this is my personal view of loving and my personal decision to choose my mate.

Yes, I am just 21 years old and my boyfriend is 39 years old. We are exactly in 18 years  age difference, but we both don't care. We have each other's need and we have found each other perfect despite the imperfections. He also find me too young, but he was just quite surprised that I don't act and think of my age. Well, this was even our first issues before. Age gaps. But, after time, we are able to accept this fact. Right now, we are both enjoying our love for each other.

Yes, I am just 21 years old and I am still in the middle of searching the life I wanted. But, I'm not saying that I will not be able to reach them when I already gauged myself to this and even in marriage. Although I am aware that pursuing dreams among singles and in a relationships may differ, but for me, really, it doesn't affect at all because you just need a very supportive man who will be really there when you need his help. In my case, he can't stop my dreams. Fortunately, instead of stopping me, he even supports me. He knows my dreams and I also do for him. We will help each other as we cope in the fast paced world and together reach each other's dreams. That's a great deal!

Yes, I am just 21 years old but I am already ready to own my own family. Why? As early as now, we are already prepared. Finances stabled, plans for long-term are settled, although these are just plans, but they are somehow fixed. I am not even scared if I get pregnant at my young age. Why? Because I am proud to be a mother of his kids. Why? Because I am in love with him.

Yes, I am just 21 years old but I think this way because I love. I trust. I care. I listen. I  PRAY. No further questions asked.


Sunday, April 27, 2014

Me, myself and I: Just another Photo Blog

When he said, "I just like the way you are"

At first, I really find it hard to accept myself just the way I am. Why? Because I need to look perfect in any ways. Mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually, even romantically. It even came to the point that I don't know how to act and how should I decide to live my life the way I wanted it to be. Well, I didn't expect that somebody will come along into my life who recognizes my faults and neither he reacted badly when he slowly discovered my glitches.

Well, actually, this blog is just out of the blue idea to me. I just have this concept in mind but I really don't know how to put into exact words. But anyhow, I just have to express things and let my mind flow in this page.

So, when I was a kid...

This is me when I was around 4 years old. I look happy, right? Yes, I was. Just like the other kids out there, I play around but most of the time with the boys since I was the only girl in the street. So, indeed, I am a happy kid. However, behind these smiles is a story which I kept within myself not until I revealed all these things to my boyfriend.

Since, I am the eldest daughter, I need to be upright and intellectually capable. Hence, my parents taught me so much discipline and my aunt in my academic excellence, on the other hand. For several years, I have lived to be a sort of nerdy type of kid because all I need to do as part of my priority is to study, to study, to study in order to achieve the top spot. Yes, the top spot. Right now, I am 21 years old but I could barely remember how happy I was as a kid. All I could remember is how tough is to live the life of the girl named "Mecyll". It is really not that easy. Every night, I need to train myself to write in almost perfect handwriting the way my mother set up according to her standards which is up until now she is monitoring them whether my handwriting goes bad or still good in her eyes. From my stance and the way I should walk, it is trained. I guess every angle of me is really monitored. Thus, I need to be perfect in their ways.

I lived in perfection...

For 21 years of living in this world, I could only remember so little chances that I took a path which I really chose and prepared for negative consequences. Well, thanks to my parents who prevented me to decide myself. Really, I lived my life with their decisions and everything that I should do is with their standards and domestic by-laws. I could only recall that I chose to take the course which my father do not like but I fought for it. At least, right now, although I somehow regretted my decision because I really know that I don't fit in. At least, I have tasted the savory consequences of my decisions and not theirs. The feeling that I really can't forget is that when my father was disappointed because I was just the Top 5 in class. That was really disappointing and sad because taking to the top spot is never easy. But I did at least in the fifth place. I really cried in my mother's arms. She really said, "Don't worry, you'll be on top next time. Next time, study more." It has always been that way. My parents never did told me, "It's okay. We really accept your capabilities and we respect that." Something like comforting words and not merely giving more pressure to me.

This photo really reminded me of my goal that someday, the stars will be with me and really bow down to me. I will be so powerful and intelligent in class and a lot of people will praise me of everything I did.

I am even proud to say that I joined the path which my parents didn't expect such as running for university elections and won as an executive president in the student council. It was the path that I knew it could be worth dying for. Politics. At that time, I knew the consequences. With those experiences, I was able to see more of my capacities and I did have chances to gain experiences where I started to decide on my own without bothering much about other's opinions. Because of that, until now, I can't forget how happy I was that I slowly started to get the reality of everything where I was able to use my real intelligence and wit.

Honors, Awards, Fame...

Gone are the days of honor, award, fame for me. I have lived with for so long. This time, I have to take new advances on what to do for my next step upon exploring my possibilities. Yes, I received a lot of certificates, awards, medals as well as power and authority over thousands of people where I even experienced how powerful my signature is. But really, I don't even acknowledge much of the good sides of these things. All I really thought about was, "At last, I discovered more about myself." Although a lot of people praise me for being so good in class as well as being a student leader myself, but for real, the thing that makes me really happy is that I was able to decide on my own based on what I really wanted to do.

Real things that I really love to do...

Creative Arts, Photography, Fine Arts

Photo no. 1: Big Jesus Statue

Photo no. 2: Another view of the cemetery 

Photo no. 3: The Post 

These photos were taken from my phone in Divine Shepherd Cemetery, Bulua, Cagayan de Oro City.

Sketch no. 1: Home 

Sketch no. 2: Evolution of Love

Aside from writing anything that scribbles my mind all the time, I love to do photography and pencil arts just like sketching using different pencils particularly numbers of lead type. With my sketch pad and my Staedtler pencil and eraser, I can always have it a go. Using my ordinary phone, I can always take wonderful photos. These simple things are the things I really wanted to do and pursue as I grow old. I love telling people what I see either by written or by art or by captured images. Right now, for practicality sake, I need to stick what my reality dictates because I know someday, I will be able to do them myself. Of course, with the help of somebody to really make this possible. LOL.

The present...

I admit that I am currently unemployed. But, I am not ashamed of it. Why? It is because I took the courage to tell the world that "Hey, I need a break! I wanted to search of something that I really wanted to do at the same time, I earn!" A lot of people are really shocked with this decision and they really find me in terrible case that they can't stop laughing about. However, I don't care. I just can't stand working again with this authority problem that I have and doing things just for the sake of money. What I wanted to do from the beginning is to enjoy the thing I do but at the same time, I am earning something of it financially. The result, I am at peace. I have never been this calm before since all I thought of was to be so rush that I ended up with a regrettable decision, which I really considered the most terrible thing I did in my life. I don't want that top happen again. Seriously.

See that photo right there? Behind that happy face is a sad lady trapped in a bad situation. Tsk, I don't want that again. I was a teacher. Well, not a perfect teacher anyone could think of. I taught my students well I should say but yes, I was distracted. My boss could say those words to me. "Ma'am, you really a good teacher. You are intelligent and so on but you are just distracted." Those were the exact words that my boss told me before I bid goodbye from work. That same time, I really told myself, "I really am not to teach."

Getting back to my drive...

Yes, so, I regained that drive within me through my current boyfriend. He really cared much about what I really want in life and he wants to help me in achieving what I really want. Because my dreams are so important for him that we also need to work hard for. Really, it is. I am so happy now and I am really in peaceful state unlike before.

The real point of this blog...

Sometimes, though you are already lost in so many years that you really don't know what to do in your life, there will always be that one person who will take you the path where you have always wanted to be. That person will really be there for you just like a gem among the dusty stones around the corner of the road. Others may see you worthless and unhappy, but then again, there will be that person who will help you regain the happiness that was lost for so long years. Since I already met the person who gave me the drive to pursue things which I really wanted and we both have similar field, arts, I cannot really express the exact words to describe how happy I am especially when he told me, "I just like the way you are".

Author's Notes: 

This blog is intended to show how I grew up and I know there are a lot of similar stories who are seen to be great persons by other people but neither did they knew the sorrow of this person. They seem to be happy outside but inside, they are not. But somehow, in God's playful wit, fate twisted and sent a person who will really be a disguised angel who will really take you to the place where you always wanted. That person who will support you to the things you really wanted to do that you seemed to forget for so many years because you think there will be no chance of getting it. But, guys and gals, just remember this, prayers is always the best weapon and tool for us to achieve what we want in accord to God's plans. You will really know that it's God's plan because everything sailed smoothly as you gear yourself to your desired success. Hope you are able to learn something from this blog. 'Til next time, tschüss!

***Credits to the owner of the last photo used for this blog. I don't own that photo. 

Tuesday, April 22, 2014

How to deal with your boyfriend's ex-wife

It has been an amazing experience to deal with your boyfriend's exes especially if they have been married once before they met you. I could really tell how it feels because I was once there, too. Well, ladies, I really know how sad it is to be in that kind of situation where their exes are trying to know your identity since it is like their curiosity who will be the lucky girl to replace their throne in their man's hearts that was once theirs. Based from my own experience, my boyfriend and his ex-wife got divorced. Since they split because of some personal reasons, I came to his life and now his current girlfriend. Then, his ex will try to know me and where I came from in different ways such as Facebook, Google (since I have records there), and so on in the latter. I know this happened to you, too.

So, the question here is how to deal with this kind of situation. Personally, I just encountered it once and it really feels so odd. But, somehow I am able to counteract the negativity of the case through some mind techniques.

1. Trust your boyfriend.
This is the most important thing every girlfriend should know. Anyone has their awkward pasts and these have become the journey to the present --- with you. Well, they split so there is really reason why they did and we all know this is not good which they both find unpleasant. Since your boyfriend got you now, all you need to do is to trust him in every way.

2. Their exes are just being curious about you.
Since they were once your boyfriend's past, as his present girlfriend, it is your responsibility to at least accept them and acknowledge their presence since this is sort of channel to understand your boyfriend in terms of how his feelings are developed into a more stable and more mature towards loving. You came to his life and he loves you and so with his attention is with you all around. So, it is a normal psycho of their exes to be curious about your identity. Perhaps, inside them is like asking, "How did my ex-bf chose her?", "Is she like me somehow?" Questions like that maybe popping out of their heads that made them so curious about you and to how you guys met.

3. It's normal to get jealous but do not exaggerate. 
It's a normal thing for girls to get jealous especially if this encounter is in person. You may get the chance to see them talking and really have their own language in conversations that you may not be able to understand. Well, ladies, it's normal to get jealous since your bf is having a chat with his ex, but just think that he is just being nice towards her, so no need to get jealous. It's normal, yeah, but it's not if it is exaggerated. So, if you think you are, then stop it or else you'll just ruin your relationship.

4. Prayers.
This is really one of the most powerful tool against this kind of temptation because this particular encounter is like a sort of a test of how reactive you are to this unpleasant or uncomfortable situation between you as his present and her (them, if there are a lot like in my case) as his past. So, what I did is just to let it out and pray. Of course, it's normal to cry especially if that is your first time, but as I said, do not overreact. Pray to God that you need his wisdom to cope with this situation. It is really a powerful tool to use. I used it myself, and so far, it's really that effective. It gave me an awesome peace in my heart right now.

5. Share to someone you trust (who really knows you both).
In my case, I can share these things to my mother since she is mature enough to listen to what I feel. Objectively, she gave me comments on how I reacted and she also comforted me but without biases that I am her daughter. She gave comments objectively as to how she sees the situation logically. It helped me really on how I am able to cope with this bad feeling consequence to the encounter with my boyfriend with her ex-wife. Now, I'm relaxed and at peace.

Author's Notes:
We all have different experiences, but with these simple thoughts that I have here are one of the most important things you can use as your shield to prevent from ruining your relationship with your boyfriend. I understand that our hormones that create emotional instability or too much illogical thoughts could really affect our logical thinking. Swear, academic intelligence is not a help here. I could say that. Not to boast, I have a lot of A's in my class records but in this case, as a first-timer, I really didn't know what to do and what I shouldn't do. I became so dumb and stupid. So, all ladies, what I experience is really a help for me to develop more mature thinking. Thus, I encourage everyone to do the same. Whatever your means are, the main goal here is, WE SHOULD NOT RUIN OUR RELATIONSHIP JUST BECAUSE WE ARE BEING DUMB BITCH!

Always goal for the best, ladies! Don't let bad things ruin your awesome beauty! Remember, you are far better than his ex/exes because he chose YOU! 


 **I don't own most of the photos thus, I deem acknowledge the owners of the photos used in this blog. 

Common Trend: Filipina with foreign boyfriend

Recently observed in the Filipino community, Filipinas have been that enthusiastic towards the idea of having a foreign boyfriend. Why do I say that? Well, I have a foreign boyfriend myself. In behalf of the blogs that states general observations of why Filipinas look over to the foreigners as their ideal boyfriends than the Pinoys around, I have reasons.

1. I like the view. 
For me, seeing new faces in my eyes really look stunning and hot to me regardless to wherever they are from. I have been chatting with so many foreigners across the globe so, I have really observed different faces of different races. From Europe, to Americas and even Asia. But I seem to concentrate to Europe and Northern America. 

2. Goal for financial stability.
As funny as it seems, but I could speak the general tongue of the common Filipina. We all want financial stability and we don't want to settle for less. Thus, we join different chat rooms and start chatting to different foreigners in different rooms. I could remember asking each them, "Do you have work?", "What is your work?" That has been the question usually the first or the second of the list to determine if I could land to a better man with a stable job. If not a job, at least he has a business. In that way, I could assure myself that I will be able to belong with a stable man with a stable finances than those who have no job nor business to handle. So, common Filipina really has that kind of thing in mind. Hoping for greener pastures abroad with her man of her choice (of course, with love) which will give her a lot more opportunities to help her family here back in the Philippines.

3. Intention to be historical in the family bloodline.
This is really freaky to say but yes, I do have that kind of thinking why I chose to be one of the Filipinas who really wanted a foreign boyfriend. It has been 100 years or so that we don't have the foreign blood within the family. The last ones where still in the 1900s or even before that, because they said, my grandparents are Spanish mestiza or mestizo. So, in this case, I need to create something historic in the family. So, I joined the club.

4. Getting into a challenge for LDR (Long Distance Relationship).
Well, yeah, I am into LDRs. So, I really assure myself that I could really survive this kind of set-up with my current boyfriend now. But, even before I met him, it has been my thing to go for LDRs and try to challenge myself if that is really possible. A lot of stories are heard in the surroundings that there are a lot of couples who have succeeded in this kind of journeys thus, I tried it myself. Personally, this kind of set-up is the safest that I could have to prevent from pre-marital sexual intercourse because if I have my boyfriend just around the corner, I could end up to the unplanned events which are really inappropriate. I know we have different controls or techniques or strategies for abstinence (well, that's another story).

5. I just love the idea of intercultural relationship. 
I am aware that not all of the Filipinas are able to cope with the differences of cultures both Philippine and the origin of her man. In my case, we have Philippine and German cultures to complement. Differences are really observable especially that he is living there for more than 20 years of his life and Philippine culture has been my lifestyle. However, I am still curious about studying other cultures and try to live with that particular culture. Like I said, I am with my German boyfriend. Thus, I am studying both his language and his societal customs, etiquette, manners, and so on. And he also does in his part. He studies Visayan, which is my vernacular language, culture, etc. So, in this way, we are able to complement with each other. So far, it has been well with each other. No arguments, no misunderstandings. I am really happy with that. I don't know with the other Filipinas but I also heard misunderstandings between the couples thus lead to separations or break-ups due to inability to consider openness to the concept that the couples have different cultures. Hence, it is the responsibility of each other to acquaint well by sharing stuff like stories, videos in YouTube, and even talk to the family members of each other. In that way, it could prevent misunderstandings between the two.

6. Wanting to have a mestiza kiddo
It has been a kind of amazement for me to bear a mestiza child on my own and rear him/her with both Filipino and German upbringing. I really wonder how would my child look like especially that the German blood will be mixed with the Filipino physical traits. I know that will happen soon. I'm really excited. Anyhow, it is also like a curiosity among the Filipinas to how their children looks if they have mixed races. This is a bit related to the third reason which is about the family bloodline since we are talking about family here. But, the angle of this part is within the child per se and to what kind of feeling would it be to bear a mestiza from our own wombs. So, I could say, this is something dramatic for us Filipinas that's why we always go for foreigners for boyfriends and soon, husbands.

Author's Notes:
Personally, since I am with my German boyfriend, I could say that I am one of the members of the club of Filipinas who wanted to have a foreign boyfriend. Nonetheless of the reasons, the one that overpowers among all is that we love each other. I love him and he does love me. That's the most important aspect if you try to delve to this kind of business (really LOL for the "business" word). Whatever reasons you have in mind, well, you can comment down below to whatever you have in mind about this blog. But, for real, I entered this interracial relationship because I wanted to and we both believe that we are destined for each other and God gave us each other to hold on and cling on to, to whatever that will happen to our lives since we both long for each other. Right now, we are still chatting via Skype everyday since in LDRs everyday communication is really that important especially that we are 1,000 miles apart. He is in Germany and I am here in the Philippines. But, we will meet this year for sure. Wait 'til the next blog! Tschüss!

This photo is taken during our conversations via Skype. :)

  **I don't own some photos here so I deem acknowledge the owners of the photos used in this blog. 

For men: Girls' Normal Tendencies (Female perspective)

It may seem a clichè to what we call "bitter" women to feel that they have opposing views on loving someone. Maybe because they have some past experiences that they cannot forget whether in a romantic relationships with their exes or perhaps they have observed something similar inside their homes while they are young. Well, this is just a personal opinion towards a change of paradigm towards love because I do have similar experiences as the other girls of any age bracket out there.

Reasons why we have bitter perspective towards the word L-O-V-E:

1. Disfigured father figure.
 Inside their homes, these young girls have their personal experiences towards bitterness because of what they have observed inside their homes such as irresponsibility of their fathers and so on or even the worse stories the world has ever got, husbands both verbally and/or physically abusing wives, etc. which really affects the way these little lass grows especially in terms of mental and psychological traumas that they will be bringing in the future. However, these are just some of the thousands stories kept by others as well. I'm just pointing out what is really common and based from what I observe personally in the house.

2. Imperfect couple observations from friends (especially the close ones)
Girls are naturally open to their girlfriends and usually talk about something about their personal lives especially their romantic experiences with their boyfriends. But as well all know, not all relationships have nice endings or shall I say have the ability to cope with the imperfections of the world that both persons really fight for the betterment of their relationships. However, not all have this kind of spirit as the other stronger couples out there. Girls having this kind of imperfect journey with their romantic lives tend to be emotional when they share these things to their girlfriends. And those who haven't tried to any relationships will really have the tendency to gain crooked perspectives to love since girls will really think that all relationships will end up just like that. So, they start to hate romance and even men, in general.

3. Serious relationship break-ups (or even mutual understandings)
Until now, I could still clearly remember how my admiration and infatuation really broke me (since I don't have previous experiences myself in romantic relationships at all). Actually, based from teenhood, any typical girl can experience how sweet their puppy loves are and even mistake them as love. So, when this particular oxytocin hormonal-rise-event fails, young girls will have broken hearts then, just like the ones with serious break-ups, they will move on but still bringing that kind of emotion that broke them (although it was just puppy love). On the other hand, those with serious relationship break-ups, will really have that kind of trauma and really have the tendency to avoid falling in love and will do even revenge to men in general. Stereotypical may it seems, but girls really take her avenge to whatever bitterness she felt to the failure of their romantic relationships. Some will take years to forget what they have experience and even think those good experiences but less compared to what bad things her guy did to her that lead to the break-ups. Without considering to what really happened, girls will be girls and will have their own biases.

4. Being harassed, raped, etc. at childhood or adolescence phase
This will be the worst case to include. Due to the sensitivity of this case, I will be less discussant to this matter. I will just be giving the common view of it. There are a lot of girls who are keeping their past experiences with relation to physical abuse. This is a bit related to the first reason but this is just the concern is not her mother but the girl herself. She may have been harassed by her own father both biological or not or maybe was raped by whom she knew or maybe a complete stranger. With these conditions, she will really have a different perspective apart from what the other normal girls see towards loving. This is really a serious reason why she will hate men or even the entire romance idea. She believes that it exists but never been part of her life or perhaps she doesn't even believe that it will come to her. But, ironically, she will keep on searching for it but if it does come, she'll maybe withdraw to it (that may lead to the surrender of the man to fight for their relationship). Again, this is just the common idea of how girls being harassed, raped, etc. sees romance as a concept. You can search this entire psychological matters towards women online because that will be another complete story. 

Author's Notes: 
There are a lot of uncovered stories out there that perhaps, not personally observed. But, among those, these are what I personally experience although there are some that I don't (I am referring to the past relationships since I haven't had a break-up with anyone and I don't plan to have one). Nevertheless, I am happy that I observed myself change with views towards love and romance. How? I fell in love. The real man. Telling it, will be another story. (Just wait for the next blogs :P)

Credits to the photos used in this blog. I don't personally own the photos and deem acknowledge the owners for this blog.