After two years since I graduated in college, I got my yearbook, my graduation photos, and all those stuff included in the almost 4k package (requirement to graduate actually). I got my yearbook first months ago, and yesterday, my photos in pack that came with a mug and a sort of flag or whatever in cardboard. Well, I am not talking much about these things. My experiences were then seemed like a nostalgia for me.
I went to the university [campus] once again for several times since months. But, every time I go in from the security, and take my footsteps in the hallway, I always remember several things that happened in this university after a long time. All the memories were recalled. Everything. From the bad to good student life were re-experienced once again.
Whenever I hear the laughter in groups, I remember how my life was as a student. Behind these laughter were big struggles earning higher grades from Nazi professors. This is really true especially to those scholars alike. I was a scholar. So, I really know how it feels like to do much sacrifices in order to impress every class instructor to get good grades [to maintain the scholarship].
Love. Another thing to remember. A cool thing about it is whenever I experience downs before, I always go to the chapel. And there in the pews, I silently cry. This is the only place where I could really express myself freely away from the people. Seriously, I don't want other people to see me crying. Because for me, crying is a symbol of weakness. Well, that was before, when I used to wear the best mask of pretense.
I closed my eyes in the pews once again after two years. Amid silence, I could still clearly remember what I prayed in front of the cross. "Lord, why do I have to experience this kind of pain? Would there be a man who would treat me like a queen or at least, a woman? Would there be a big possibility a man would love me and accept for who I am and willing to accept my flaws and downfalls? Would there be a man to exist who would really love me deeper than the Pacific?"
During that time, I just hear silence. I cried once again as I recall it. Because although I am in the same pew where I sat two years ago, there I was again, in teary-eyes, I said my prayer, "Lord, thank you for giving me such a man who would do everything for me. A man who would really love me for who I am and a man who would respect me and accept my whole love for him. A man who would really love me back and will never let me fall down and left behind. He may be stupid, I would be more stupid to let him go."
It sounds romantic. Yes, it is. Lesson learned here. Wait.
I have to wait for to years to know him. I felt my terrible heartache in 2012, and fell in love again in two years time. 2014 for me is the best year.
I learned to love. Above all, I learned to trust again and to commit. I played men before. Now, my views have changed.
Wait. Right now, I am waiting again. When would I able to meet him in person?
When would I be with him and stay with him? When would I be able to help him in his plans for us? When?
I will wait. Best things come in God's timing.
