This afternoon, I just come to notice about this film "Educating Julie (1984)", which revolves around the timid and demure Julie Potter, a college student, assigned to do research about "Nudity in the 1980s".
Movie poster
A scene in the film with Julie and her boyfriend, Steve.
With this film that I just watched, I learned something with these three powerful words. Self-respect. Self-control. Self-acceptance.
Self-respect.
As the society defines it, self-respect is a value that is determined by each person's manner of giving morale and giving much more importance on abiding to norms of the society than the taboos. It is also defined as giving self a proper esteem as well as giving self the dignity it deserves. Society may define self-respect in varied ways but the point here is, all of us needs to have this individually to clearly define self and the way we are unique with one another. Another way of giving such self-respect is to reach potentials that we never knew we can.
I have never emphasized this thought before. I knew what I can do but I failed to recognize it because of my fear to whatever people may think of me when I do it. It took me a lot of years to face it that even until now, I still have such fear inside me that I have always fought for. I know my capacities and my limitations. They are somehow clear to me. But, this year, I want to make them clearer this time. I can't dare to waste another moment of my life to live life with such stupid fears anymore. I have to stand with my high black stilettos, heads up, breast out, stomach in, stunning physique. Just like this woman here.
With such great move on myself today, my drive to make something of myself and to test myself grew deeper. I know this will take me much time, but I know in the end, I'll reap it for good.
Self-control.
The friend of my boyfriend's story behind his breakup with his Japanese chick made me think of this word. It is something that I should keep especially that my personality is really highly enthusiastic and highly active. Naturally, I am a Sagittarian plus I am born in the year of the monkey. According to Chinese zodiac, I am super active and my personality is really fiery. Thus, to keep balance, I am thankful that my boyfriend is having such calming nature that somehow helped me slow down a bit from my fast pacing attitude. I am always so driven that I forgot to focus on what I should do and I forgot to check on myself's natural way achieving things. Hence, I always end up in pain either by physical due to back pains or emotionally by harmful stresses.
Personally, anyone could be able to handle things positively, jovially, or warmly if they are able to practice self-control. The story behind my boyfriend's friend behind the terrible breakup just because he was not able to control his self from temptation to cheat and have sex with another girl and punched the girl's boyfriend. It was freaky but it's out of inability to control self.
In my case, the control of tactlessness, emotional distresses, and insensitivity really made me hard to be understood. Somehow, even myself. I can't have the consistent energy of positivity just because my negating attitude especially if I am out of control really kills me a lot of times. I am so thankful that my boyfriend and my family is able to live with it. With God's grace, I pray that my boyfriend will be able to accept it totally and live with it positively.
Self-acceptance.
Despite the fact that I have all the impurities both by physical and emotional and even spiritual, still this movie helped me remind that I should be able to accept myself no matter what this body may look like and as well as my behavior towards other people. I didn't mean that I can be rude to others and such I can do all the stupidity anyone can think of. What I mean is that, I can act the way I want to act. I can say and think the way I wanted it. The way God made me. I should be able to respect this identity and my uniqueness. With that, I should stop telling myself that I am so ugly compared to others because I have my own unique stunning beauty that only I could ever possess.
It is even defined as the person's ability to accept the flaws and to love self unconditionally. In other words, each one of us should be able to handle self regardless of the glitches that we have in our own bodies. Instead of judging it, learn to be proud of it and know more of its capacities and potentials.
Igen, my boyfriend, has always told me that I am beautiful and I am not fat. But, I always do look fat. I can't recognize his praises about me. My sister Hann, always told me that my body is cute and small and she even told me that if she has my body in her height, she may be slim by now. However, I failed to see it myself. Until now. A lot of people have told me this and that about me.
I am beautiful.
I am sexy.
I am slim.
I am hot.
Yet, I still can't manage to see them in me.
With the movie I just saw, I realized that it's easy to accept self. Just look at myself in the mirror naked and see my real body. Without clothes. In that way, I will be able to see how will I really look like and my whole body as well. Inch by inch.
I have always done that. You know, seeing myself without clothes facing the mirror. Somehow, it helped me feel confident myself. I hope someday, I can walk in the roads never bothering much on how I look like. I just have to be myself. It's like, es tut mir egal.
Author's Notes:
We all have different views. Thus, I respect them. Well, this is my way of seeing things. These are based from my own set of values and beliefs. So, I also expect respect from you, also.
For my loved ones, my boyfriend and my family, I wish to extend my deepest gratitude for accepting me inside and outside. I may be stubborn and stupid, but you still love me unconditionally. With God's graces, may He bless you with that. Thank you so much. Dankeschön!
**I deem acknowledge the owners of the photos included in this blog. I don't own them personally.
Überhaupt, tschüss Leute! Bis bald!
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