What the hell am I doing?

It sounds like I am so into having a baby.
Yes, I am sounding just like that.
For real.

Just today, I was able to have a long talk with the girlfriend of my cousin. It was the longest I should say. Actually, we were talking about several experiences that she had when she has experienced sex the first time and now, first time being a mother. Right now, she is in the 2nd turning 3rd month pregnant this month. Well, she seems excited. Well, the both of them. They are both excited to how their baby would look like.

I was just listening to her and somehow interacted. A bit.
I was just noticing myself, staring at her tummy.

I touched mine, too.
Seems like I also feel that I am having a baby on my own.
Actually, everyone is expecting a baby from me, anyway. 

It's just that these several days that passed, I have always thought of being pregnant more frequent than before. Several times, I touched my tummy. Several times, I watched pregnant women photos. Several times, I am watching her tummy. So weird.

However, I have told my boyfriend about it. At my young age, it's weird to feel like that especially at this level, with my status, I should have pursued higher degrees or worked as a natural career woman. But, this has not been the case. I have undergone the stage where I have to take the path of having a family first before doing so. But, this is not the thing I will be emphasizing about. It's about the pregnancy state.

I have been known by anyone who hates babies. I hate everything about them. From their loud cries to annoying laughter and stressful rearing. But, it's just so weird that a career woman like me, whom everyone expected to achieve a lot after obtaining the university degree, already thinking to have a baby with my young age. At 21, yes, I am really loving now the idea to have a baby.

Before
Babies.
Stupid. Brat. Annoying. Loud. Stressful. Messy. CRAP!

Now
Babies.
Cute. Adorable. Loving. Relaxing. I WANT TO HAVE ONE, TOO! 

 
I really don't understand my feeling now. It's so weird. The entire thing about me having my own baby in my tummy is really weird. But, I think it's a signal that I will bear one.

Apart from the idea that I really wanted to have my baby, is that my boyfriend is wanting it, too. I don't know the exact things he wishes to say but, I know in his mind, he wanted me to bear his child from me. He even told me that he just think about our baby on how he looks like when they are born, before he sleeps. He even asked me to how our kids would look like with a German-Filipina decent. He is even excited to the idea.

That is why I am loving him so much.

Author's Notes:

We may have different experiences in life. This is just my personal view on it.
My motive is just to express deeply how I felt with being a mom.
It's really cute and lovely, when someone calls me, "Mama".
Aside from it, it would be so romantic if my husband will touch my tummy with the baby inside it. Kicking. Moving. Feeling every inch of me and her father. So touching.
Right now, I really don't know. I just put all the words from my mind so fresh that I didn't even cared if whatever I have written here are grammatically correct.
Crap that out! I am not an English teacher here. I am a soon-to-be mother.
I just want to express.

Psalm 139:14-15
"Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex!
Your workmanship is marvelous--how well I know it.
You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion,
as I was woven together in the dark of the womb."

As I have said in the previous blog, I stated my intentions to my husband-to-be and my future-baby.
Right now, I just want to cry.