Are you in love? So am I. I am deeply in love.
How? I don't know. It just happens.
Why? He's not perfect. He has mistakes. He has his imperfections. But, I still love him.
Well, I will tell you exactly how I discovered that I am already in love in a deep personal level.
I know that we all have different interpretations on this term. Love. It can an emotion but also a social form of responsibility. As youth like me, I am just in my early 20s, I know that in this phase, hormonal factors really affect definitions towards love and how we see romance in this part. Geographical origin can also affect the way we deal with love and how we view love. But, in general, I wonder, why would two different people of different origins could still fall in love with each other regardless of their cultural differences? If we all have different insights on love because of current trend or its present, why would a 39-year-old man fall in love with a 21-year-old lady like me? If we have differences like these, why would it still be possible that the two culturally-different people could still fall in love?
Based from experience, these are the things I have in mind why I fell in love with a 39-year-old man though he was 18 years old than me.
1. Attitude.
This is what I actually looking for a man though I like mingling with men of my age. But, there is this factor that I really am looking for my mate. As observed with my boyfriend, he has possessed the character that I have been asking for so long. Understanding, loving, caring, patient, thoughtful. Regardless of his imperfections, I still am able to accept him because of the traits he has that I really adore.
2. Maturity.
Personally, I don't like immature kind of man. I don't know. Maybe this is because this is what I see in my father. I like men who are older than me than men of my age bracket. I don't have to be a know-how to express that majority of the men of 20s are still immature and I don't have to be arrogant telling them that they are not yet of my level though they may be a few years older than me. But, there is this factor that really made me fall over my knees to him and told myself, "This is the man I am dreaming of."
3. Stability.
I am aware that love can die if two people keep on arguing because of lack of finances to stabilize family. Imagine, if the loving couple doesn't have anything to eat, love can die. Why? Nagging occurs instantly. Each of them may blame each other for not being able to have work or enough finances to survive the family. Sometimes, they end up family bankruptcy because of bank loans and so on just to survive the physiological needs of the family. These things made me really decide to really check if the person is stable or not. Because I am the type of girl who doesn't just decide for the present but for the long-term process.
4. Pampering.
Men of my ages may be a thoughtful one to pamper me in some ways. But, I really have this feeling where I need to be pampered in his own way. This is one of the reasons why I go to relationships with more mature men because they have this unnoticed ability to take care of me in a mature manner. I have been too responsible for many years as an eldest daughter. In sub-conscious part of me, there is really that little voice telling me that I also needed to be pampered just like I pamper my younger sister or even my family per se. I wanted to feel that I am a younger sister, too, by him. Where he could guide me and advice me on what should be the thing that I do in some inevitable circumstances because he maybe has been in that same experience, too. In that way, I could learn more. At times, I thought, I am so tired of acting like a mature one. I'd like to act like a kid again and think like one even in a proper time/s. I think most of the eldest daughters that I know has this same feeling. But, they are just hiding or preventing it to be noticeable by public.
5. Level of loving.
Loving at this juncture is really deep and intense and serious. I really prayed for so many years that I will be able to meet my first and my last boyfriend. The only man I will love for the rest of my life and the only husband that I will have until eternity, and the only father of my kids in the future. And the only way to achieve this is to be with a mature man. When he said, "Hey, I am not into playing games," it gave me a feeling that I am secured with this person. He may be 18 years older than me but he has the heart that could launch missiles and can move mountains. This is the kind of intensity that I am looking for in a relationship. But, I didn't say that men of my age cannot do the same, but it's just that majority of the population in that same bracket are still in the middle of selecting mates and enjoying life to the fullest before they settle down. However, in my case, he is already 39 turning 40 years old this year, he is into settling down. This is what I am looking for. Although I am still querky 21-year-old lady, I am into settling down. I didn't say I am rushing because I really am not rushing. It's just that I met him in this age and I thank God for that.
Author's Notes:
We all have different of experiences and opinions. But this is my personal view of loving and my personal decision to choose my mate.
Yes, I am just 21 years old and my boyfriend is 39 years old. We are exactly in 18 years age difference, but we both don't care. We have each other's need and we have found each other perfect despite the imperfections. He also find me too young, but he was just quite surprised that I don't act and think of my age. Well, this was even our first issues before. Age gaps. But, after time, we are able to accept this fact. Right now, we are both enjoying our love for each other.
Yes, I am just 21 years old and I am still in the middle of searching the life I wanted. But, I'm not saying that I will not be able to reach them when I already gauged myself to this and even in marriage. Although I am aware that pursuing dreams among singles and in a relationships may differ, but for me, really, it doesn't affect at all because you just need a very supportive man who will be really there when you need his help. In my case, he can't stop my dreams. Fortunately, instead of stopping me, he even supports me. He knows my dreams and I also do for him. We will help each other as we cope in the fast paced world and together reach each other's dreams. That's a great deal!
Yes, I am just 21 years old but I am already ready to own my own family. Why? As early as now, we are already prepared. Finances stabled, plans for long-term are settled, although these are just plans, but they are somehow fixed. I am not even scared if I get pregnant at my young age. Why? Because I am proud to be a mother of his kids. Why? Because I am in love with him.
Yes, I am just 21 years old but I think this way because I love. I trust. I care. I listen. I PRAY. No further questions asked.
Tschüss!
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