Things to know more about patience

It has been several months since I was starting to be more conscious about being more patient in everything I do. From washing plates, to cleaning the house, to finding a job, to everything anyone can imagine. In my daily routine, it has been the most abstract among the thousands that I should be learning repetitively. I am aware of God's existence everywhere. And I know that He is really present in ever places I could think of. He is there just listening, watching me as I do even the negative things I do whenever I am alone. But, He is indeed playful. He wanted me to learn things differently, in a creative way, I should say. However, it was quite a challenge.

Just today, when I opened Facebook, it was quite a surprise that the first notification that I receive from my friends are telling about how a man describes his feelings towards his girlfriend. Actually, they are both my friends, schoolmates in college. I saw this post on my wall.

From the moment I saw his post in my wall, I was amused with the thought that guys are indeed sentimental in nature. Thus, it tells me that although my boyfriend is not a showy type of lover, but he loves that deeply to me.

Second thing was the next notification. It was about devotion. I clicked it and tried to sneak out and see what was posted. Then, it really made me surprise to see this.

I am not alone. Our own fears and insecurities can make us feel that we are beyond help, beyond hope. Relevant may it seems to what is on-going to my life now. But definitely, this made my day. For real. This little things that I have seen are all considered "little miracles". They may be little to hear but they created a big spark in my life today. These little miracles are making my "How-to-be-Patient Lessons" are having its big outcomes.

Even yesterday, a lot was done. A lot of happy things all happened yesterday at once. It was totally superb! So, from the moment I opened myself to learn more about patience. Indeed, it was worthy. Yet, I have to learn more of them step-by-step the hardest way. I don't know why God put me to such tests, but I guess He's really being playful quite a bit. Of all these things that happened to me now, all I can do is just to laugh and to smile to a lot of challenges that happened to me this time. However, I can summarize them this way.

1. Patience requires waiting. So much waiting. 
Since waiting is really Patience's best buddy, if you wish to learn more about being patient, you also need to wait longer, longer, longer until what you have been asking, praying for will be noticed, or guaranteed. Once you ask something or working for something, just accept that it doesn't happen overnight or just a single snap. No.

2. Patience is also about observing "little miracles" around you. 
While waiting for such thing you really wanted to achieve in your life, instead of being stupid and murmur and act like a kid, doing tantrums. So better act like a man/woman, a mature one. How will it be done then? Well, instead of using emotions to go around with your decisions to make your everyday life/routine, better use your God-given wisdom to let you see how beautiful life is through observing "little miracles". They are just so little to be observed and are often neglected.

I have been saying and repeating "Little miracles" all throughout this blog, but what I mean with this is that all things that are happening to you in every minute that seem so natural, boring, so little, etc.

Let's take this scenario as an example: 
"You're tasked to make a lot of work from your boss. So, you're pissed since you can't go out with your friends on a Friday night. You have a lot of work to do. So, instead of being with them and enjoy partying, you went back to your flat and continued with your work. While going back to your home, you went to a store and food shopped.  After having all what you need, you went to cashier and paid. The cashier just said, "Sir, since your items reached around P1,000, you earned a discount of P50 of the entire payment. So, you paid just P950.00 instead of P1,000."

Yeah, it sounds so little to observe and to notice. But this is how I have observed about little miracles that are going around me for several days.

3. Lastly, patience is about timing. It's God's timing. 
Everything has been sucked up and you really felt bad about them. But, indeed, God has been putting all these things in place. As the common Biblical verse saying, "There's always time for everything." You cannot control everything. But you can though, but not all. Not everything. It's just one proof that you have let Him do the rest.

I know I can conclude things written here as of now because all these things are still on an on-going process. So, I just have to pause and think for awhile and reflect that there are still things to know more about patience. 

Appreciation: Wie kann man es fühlen?

As defined by Merriam-Webster Dictionaries, appreciation is a noun which means a feeling of being grateful for something or even an ability to understand the worth, quality, or importance of something.

Thus saying, appreciation is an abstract something which any human needs to be driven enough to achieve things he wanted to achieve in his life. In everything, he does, especially that something that requires much an effort, anyone should be able to acknowledge it and do appreciate everything he has done to keep him moving with much of an inspiration through ups and downs. That no matter what outcomes will be at the end of his endeavors, although he is frustrated or disappointed, but he will never lose that spark in his eyes and the level of inspiration to move forward.

Hence, appreciation is really important to anyone. No matter how big or small his efforts done. They should be appreciated. Because in this big things or small things, they are made possible with effort.

But how can't I feel it in a home where I supposed to feel home?

Ever since, I haven't have much appreciation received from anyone. No matter how much efforts done to make everything they have observed possible, I always do feel unappreciated. I grew up in a home where less appreciation is observed. That's why, I'm so thirsty for it from other people since I know that I can't get it from home. As a result, a lot of stiff and stricken behaviors are observed by lot especially my boyfriend.

Insensitivity towards other people's efforts
Since I grew up not to care other people's efforts because I don't observe it at home, I usually have powerful mouth. Tactless mouth, I should say. I don't care if the words I am saying are okay or not. Lesser sensitivity. How insensitivity and appreciation connect? If you grow up in a home where it's strict, firm, full of disciplines and rules implemented to be a "perfect child", especially if you don't observe that it's good to acknowledge the other people especially with their efforts done to make things possible in the house, it has also greater chances that you grow insensitive. Since appreciation is again, needing emotions and sensitivity to make it.

Giving pressure vs appreciation
In my case, I did grew up in a family where I'm pressured to be on top of everything or even the best that anyone could ever meet and imagine. But, unfortunately, I didn't make it until college. Since I just graduated as is, without honors, medals, etc. Only the widely renowned "Diploma". Plus, I don't observe acknowledgements in the house like even just cleaning the house, sweeping the floors, etc. I don't receive any recognition to it. As a result, I do everything to be praised in the school or to wherever I need to be appreciated by them. Emancipation of appreciation is what is the most I really like. Like in every little things I do, I am hoping to be appreciated by anyone. May it be doing the laundry, sweeping the floor, etc. In these things I do for the family, I don't receive recognition from them. Instead, insults and narrating one by one my faults, lacks, all the negative criticisms, everything negative are being said. That's why, I am wondering how it feels like to be appreciated.

How it feels to be appreciated? 
So, that's why when my boyfriend does that to me, no matter how simple or small endeavor I did, he does appreciate and even saying he's proud of me to these things. It felt good. So much. I wonder if my family does that to me, too.

I just remembered they were telling me that the culture of the house changed when I was not with them. I was in Makati then. So for two months, everything changed. Why? They just told me these things.

No one will cook for them especially dinner. 
No one will clean the house and make it orderly at all times. 
No one will look for the house during the day. Thus, worried about theft. 
No one will do laundry and wash them everyday. 
No one will make noise in the house. 
No one will make cuddles to them. 
More. 

But, I never received any compliment from these things from them. So sad, but it is. That's why I told myself, when I have my own family, appreciation should be a duty to everyone so they will also learn sensitivity towards other people.

So...
Appreciation, wie kann man es fühlen? Nur eine wichtig Frage für Euch.

Too much pride, ego, and sensitivity: Time to let go

Since I was a kid, I have been trained to be the greatest among others. From the way I speak, I act, I do things, everything. I should be the best. I should be the topnotch in class, the best, the highest scorer, etc. That's the truth that I have grew up with. Neither did I know that there are so much values that I less considered and less valued which are rather more important than the truths that I knew.

But, what is the most intriguing part is that why I have to learn these things the hardest way?
Is it naturally like that? 
I even asked my self, why do I have to experience the extremes of life? 
I mean, why do I have to allow myself immersed to the idea that I am already set to undergo so much pain and sufferings in life? 
Do I have really the chances to have a good life and a comfortable and a satisfying life? 
After all, God has given me so much blessings like intelligence, wisdom, dignity, integrity, etc. that any person does have. 

But the greatest question there is
WHY?
WHY THESE THINGS ARE HAPPENING TO ME AND TO MY LIFE?

According to nosuffering.com, pain is inevitable. Therefore, pain is everywhere. We cannot avoid it no matter what we do. It's there. It's given. Thus, all we have to do is how to deal with it.

Pain is a concrete evidence that one is alive. Since it is inevitable as defined, thus, it means that as humans, to be able to conquer it, we should be able to adjust to it and to accept the emotions along with it. It's painful, disappointing, etc. Yes, it is. But, we cannot fully overpass it if we continue living with it and be depressed with it. But, rather, it's the best thing if we use pain to motivate change. Pain is one of the most terrifying teachers to seek change in our lives but definitely, it is the most worthy. Why?

1. We can achieve joy, happiness and fulfillment in life.
As my boyfriend had told me last night as per discussion with the current struggles we are facing right now with our respective problems, he reminded me that it's better to experience difficulties in life rather than having life where we can get something we cant so easily or even pressuring our parents just to get what we want. We never know in the future, we will have the family bankruptcy and sickening economic depression of the family's finances, these people cannot just easily overcome these kinds of challenges compared to those people who are able to experience these beforehand.

2. We can experience peace towards everything, almost everything. 
Since we have already had struggled lives before, achieving success is the most determined goal. Thus, when we are able to achieve it, it's the most exciting and the most interesting part of our lives then. We could feel the comfort and the peace of everything we do both happy times and bad times since we are already trained to deal with the most unwanted roads of life such as distress, sufferings, troubles, etc.

3. We can experience God's powers and mightiness in these times.
We cannot find God if we are not able to see how painful life is without Him. I can say I am not a religious woman but I can say I have my faith with Him. Although I am still shaky with my faith, but having a single percent of it makes a difference. At least, I am being honest with Him rather than facing Him as if I have no flaws and glitches done in my life. During my downfall, aside from my boyfriend who has been my constant companion since then, He is also there to listen and to scream with although I can't see Him. But He is there, listening to me. All time. With that, I can say, one cannot seek Him and see Him if one cannot be in the most distressful events of his life.

4. We can be grateful that we are still alive. 
Pain is again an inevitable emotion and abstract feeling opposite to peace and happiness. But, pain is just a reminder that we are living and continuing the life's obstacles today, and in the future.

In my case, because of these experiences that I am facing today, I realized that it's time for me to learn how to be humble and to decrease the pride, and ego, and too much considerate with what other people are thinking about me. Because as the common adage says, "Too much is bad for anyone who does it." 

References:
http://www.nosuffering.com/nosuffering/explain.shtml
http://www.everystudent.com/journeys/why.html

I want to spend the rest of my life with you

No other woman could ever not dream of such a wonderful and a romantic phrase, "My love, I want to spend the rest of my life with you". Isn't it sweet, right? Yes, it is. Why? I have my reasons.

First, women are naturally emotionally-sensitive individuals. We are structured to master emotional stability. Thus, we are using emotions most of the time in decision-making. But, just most of the time, not really all the time. It's different.

Second, women are naturally seeking for a one-woman-man. A man who would really willing to spend their lives with them no matter the condition is. Both happy times and sad times, both young-looking and already bad-looking due to old age or what.

Third, women, as naturally-born homemakers, are structured to be the leaders at home. As such, we are already acquainted with the household chores and how to perfectly do them as required by society. With that, most of us are busy making the house clean and orderly, peaceful and not chaotic, at all.

Fourth, women are naturally destined to a man who will love them for they are. No matter what insecurities we have since we are already pre-judged by the way we look, there will be always that man who would look at us differently from the rest of the group.

For me, these things which I consider unexpected just came along to my life. And I thank God for having met him in such places where I didn't consider interesting at all.

With that, I wish to tell him that, "Schatz, I want to spend my entire life with you." Why?

First, I admire you.
You have the attitude which I really find attractive and inspiring. I can't define everything you have but I can specify some traits you have which I really find admirable. You are the man of patience and of positivism. Amidst the negative and troublesome circumstances, you are still able to move forward though in some minutes you are down. But, with just a matter of short time, you are able to move and make steps to face reality unlike me.

Second, I need you. 
You have the energy and the love and care that I mostly need to fight over circumstances and to overcome my weaknesses. I am a strong woman, but still I have weaknesses which you are able to witness yourself. You have the complete of reasons to leave, but you still stayed and still been patient with me and my negative attitudes.

Third, I love you. 
You are the man which my heart and soul love. You are the right man for me and you are the man I consider a gift from the heavens above. Your name has been marked deep in my heart and cannot be erased. You have loved me so deep and so eternal and so sincere. You are the perfect picture of love and care which I really admire, need, and love.

With these things, I am proud to say that I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I admire you, I need you, and I love you. :-*

Morgen ist meine Prüfung

Tomorrow will say everything what I have done. My best, my efforts, my life, my path.
Tomorrow is the day I have waited after several months of studying both self-study and in formal language school.

I have not written any blog in this month because of super busy schedule and super tiresome day, everyday. So, I have not given myself an ample time to think and to reflect of what I have done in those days. However, I think I could say I have shared my life in this path. And with that, I can say that this is so far the best that I did which I really made efforts for. Why? I have reasons.

1. I have taken the challenge to be away from my family for months.
Which is really hard for me to do and so with my family, whom been with me since I was born. I should say. But then, I was able to bear that sad feeling leaving away from my dear hometown and try to adjust myself to the new environment and to the new society for several months. Without my family with me, I was able to know myself more in terms of my real beliefs, morals, and so on. Though I am with my cousin, but still I feel alone in this battle of adjustment towards my surroundings.

2. I have taken the challenge to speak the language which is not my mother tongue for several months and deal with new set of people.
To be honest, this is not my first experience to meet new people and be able to mingle with them since I was immersed to the intercultural thing way back college through leadership and active participation to university's activities before. But this is the first time that I have to live with the culture of the surrounding people like speaking their language which sounds new to me though I have learned it since kid, and to live and to cope with their living standards at the same time, which is new to me. But so far, in my total experiences here, I can say that I am happy that I am able to cope with this part, which I really consider the most challenging. For me, this is a jumpstart to the new or bigger or tougher coping abilities once I will be outside the country.

3. I have been able to gain new experiences apt for the environment I am in.
Since I arrived here in Makati, which is the Business Central District in the Philippines, I could see some little changes in the way I think such as being more open to the new possibilities of life and being able to receive every challenge and every new experience with optimal positivism or explicitly seen with a big smile midst big troubles. Throughout my stay here, I have experienced tougher challenges, problems here which I was not able to have before. That makes me more stronger here and makes me feel that I am a decision-maker. I decide on my own, I make things out of my own desires and not decisions made by others for me. These things made me feel certain that I have the capacity to decide and to make things on my own.

4. I have been able to see how important it is to have new set of experiences rather than stay to a routine.
Right now, I am able to realize that I have to make some new ideals to cope with the rapid changes in my surroundings. Apart from my fashion statement, which I redo to make me feel confidence with myself, I also decided that I need to live a healthy lifestyle. Because I need to be fit balance to my body. So, I can love myself more. I have loved myself in terms of intellect and beauty, but not yet with my body. I have hated it for so long. Now, with the new experiences that I have gained here, I have realized how important it is to be fit and try to make a big move towards healthy lifestyle.

5. I have been able to survive the risk that I have gone through.
Being able to live life with the new environment is never as easy as it sounds. But, with courage and inner strength, I was able to survive it. Thank you, Lord for guiding me, for being with me at all times. This time, I am more confident with myself.

In general, I am so thankful to everyone who helped me to surpass all these things.

a. My family, who have been ever supportive to me and to all my endeavors, who have heard my cries and complaints and for encouraging me all times and also, for sharing their love for me as their daughter/sister. They have never failed to arouse my drive to fight towards my new environment and reminded me to keep calm and stay upright at all times though I am in tough situations. Thank you so much, Pa, Ma, Hann.

b. My boyfriend, who have been always at my back who always tap my shoulder and reminding me not to worry because I am always doing good. He has been always my vent to all my cries and complaints, my happiness, my joys, my sadness, so on. He has been there to listen to me. He has never failed to show how much he cared and loved me. Thank you so much, Schatz.

c. My cousin, Hannah, who has been acting like my sister here. She has always been helping me unleashing the hotness in me. Helped me to be a better me than before and to be able to live up with the difficulties here in this big city where we are both living. Thank you so much, Badiyat.

d. My God, who has been always my Guide and Wisdom-Provider. He has always been my Protector in this wide busy streets, and protected me from ill-mannered people and bad elements in the society. He has always been my Teacher in times when I really don't know what to do and being the Protector of my family in CDO and in Germany. Thank you so much for giving me such blessings in life. I do cherish all these things You have provided me.

I am just so excited for tomorrow's exam and the next day's trip back to my hometown. Tschüss!

Liebe ist ein Verb, noch nicht nur Gefühl

Nur jetzt habe ich ein E-Book gelesen am "The Logic of Love". Es ist der Titel mit Stefan Molyneaux als Autor. Er sagt da dass Liebe ist noch nur fühlen aber noch ein Verb. Es braucht Tun. Wie? Wie jetzt spreche ich auf Deutsch Sprache obwohl er ist Schwierig für mich aber noch benutzen. Warum? Doch, Liebe. Aber, das sind alles. Ich kann nicht ja Deutsch sprechen nicht mehr. Aber dass bedeutet nicht ich habe mir kein Liebe. Sehr dumm Ahnung.

Well, a lot of people are simply telling "I love you". It sounds so romantic and rejuvenating. But, what they don't understand that love has its sub-contents and sub-philosophies that lie underneath the big L word. Thus, having several mistakes out of their illusions created by mind on how they look love.

Many have known that love is something felt from the inside. Thus, even telling they love the person but they only love him for what she only sees and her for what he only sees and vice versa. But, real love is different. It's not just a feeling, a satisfying feeling of flesh and mind. But, it is an action that requires hard work and sacrifices.

Our parents are just one of the few examples we can recognize of real love. No matter how hard headed we are as kids or as their children, but still they are able to welcome us with warm heart and arms open wide. No matter how we fail them, they are still able to repress the feeling of disappointment and let love overpower them. But this doesn't mean, it's a totally highlighting the abusive-oppressive thing among children-parents relationship but just a brief view on how our parents love us, for real.

Now, let's take the other side. How about our partners? Are we able to accept them and love them for real? For no matter who they are? This is not an easy concept. There are a lot of things we ought to consider as part of the "id-ego" mechanism of humankind. But, forgetting the intellectual side of it, let's go deeper towards its deepest philosophies.

According to the author, love is not just a statement but rather an action to make to prove its worth and its existence. Yeah, it's true. We will know true and super real love if we are able to make things out of our comfort zone specifically to the persons we most love, and most especially if what we are doing is really for them. Only a small percentage remains to yourself then.

Love is not just a painting you chose to buy but when you arrive at home, you'll repaint it with your own desired designs. It is not just a mannequin to dress to what you want your partner looks and appears to the society to make your ego satisfied. No! Love requires acceptance. Whether he or she is fat, thin, or whatever, accept your partner for who he or she is. You can't just love him for what you just want but you love him because of him and how he really appears and acts.

Zum Schluss, love is ein Verb, noch nicht nur Gefühl. :)

Vor 30 Jahre Alt: Was mache ich?

Wie alles Frauen der Welt, wir haben groß Träumen. Beide selbst und ändern. Wie alles Frauen auch, ich habe mir Träumen. Ach, genug Deutsch. Ich spreche jetzt auf English. Doch!

Well, like other women in the world, we all have our sets of dreams. Both for ourselves and for other people. Like all the women in the world, I have also my own sets of dreams. Actually, there a lot of them. But mainly, among the thousands of dreams that I have in mind and have desired since before, is to be successful. In whatever terms, in whatever means. To live life to the fullest and be the happiest woman on earth. For me.

It may sound selfish though but actually it's not. I am the kind of person who would be happy if I see other people happy, too. And most of all, if I can see my family in fullest comfort, I'd be rather most happy. Right now, I'm still in the process of building myself. Trying to figure out what I really want and what I wanted and desired. For several times, actually nth time, I'm exploring more and more. And what I've only got is the idea of making my family happy. For me, sacrifices are worth making if I just see them in utmost prosperity, I'm already okay and relieved. I think that's the major part of my dreams apart from having my selfish dreams to be on top priority. It's just part of it. Why?

Unlike other people out there, they have certain goals of being the top earner or businessmen per se, or something specific. But, I really don't have. Yeah, I have the heart to teach, but I also want other stuff, like pursue fine arts, etc. So, basically, I don't know. I also want to pursue Ph.D. in any academic field. That I don't know. Just now, all I have in mind is the idea to be a successful woman for my family and for my future family.

That's why I am writing this blog to be a record of what I am thinking now. So, to see my progress of my attainments in life. There are a lot of things in mind now. But so far, I have my fullest priority: To go abroad and live life with my husband. And things go along the way, by then.

God bless me.