Ingredients for a Happy and Contented Relationship

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Individuals, as human as we are, have different unique ways based upon how we act, behave, like, dislike and so on. We have different set of qualities that are exclusively possessed only within, and may affect each other in the long run. But, we know that these are not easy to deal with since maybe we have grown up to this routine or our parents influence us to act like this or perhaps, our experiences shaped us like the way we are in the present. There are a lot of reasons to dig. Thus, in relationships, which two different people are involved in it, will likely to have difficulties in handling a strong romance with each other. Regardless of this fact, it has been an inevitable obstacle. However, there are still a lot of couples are able to strive to succeed to this kind of challenge. They are able to find some ingredients that will help them in coping their differences towards a happy and contented relationships.

1. Respect. 
This is one value that every couple should be able to realize. Although, yeah, the two of you are able to adjust to one another since you do love each other but realistically, there are still overwhelming differences that may be difficult to handle at first, but with respect from one another, these differences will be accepted. If arguments arises due to our conflicting differences, just remind yourself that you are hitting on the issue, not the person. Hence, resolve the issue without creating damage to our partners.

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2. Acceptance.
In connection to respect, acceptance comes along the way. Perhaps, your boyfriend or girlfriend may have something that you hate for example, in my case, my boyfriend is a smoker since youth, the only thing that we can do is to accept that fact. By accepting that fact, it doesn't mean that you just leave him/her destroy his/her life by leaving it just like that, but it will be a jump start for us to see the whole being of our partner. In this way, we will be able to identify that unconditional love for him/her. As their partner, always remember that we are entrusted with their lives. Instead on hitting on the negatives and nag, help him improving his self for his good sake without nagging him.

Source: ablelife.com

3. Trust.
As you accept partner as he is, trust develops in the latter. Trust-building is one of the most challenging part of the relationship. Of course, we don't want to be hurt or to be betrayed by anyone, even the most loved. This is a natural human coping mechanism. Since we are in a relationship, no matter how challenging it is to develop trust to your partner, this is still a requirement. We commonly hear, "without trust is without love". It is true. We cannot see the value of our partner if we are not trusting them. We just feel that we are trapped with something intangible. Thus, there is no romantic or even peaceful atmosphere whenever you are with each other. This is totally a disaster!

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4. Love. 
This is one of the most seen ingredient among the others to achieve a happy and contented relationship. With love, it comes in different levels. First, is the physical attraction and the second is the responsibility, which is the deeper type. It also comes in different languages. Therefore, there are many ways to express love and feel loved. It comes with verbal or vocal way of expressing and, also just mere action. "Action speaks louder than words" as they say. Regardless of how varied and creative we may express it to our partners, one thing that we should keep in mind that it is the best if we express them everyday. If it is not that much to us, we can express them every hour. It's so cheezy, right? But, admit it, saying "I love you" or being told so, will really melt down our hearts, especially if they are from the man/woman we do love.

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5. Faith.
To have a secured stronghold to our relationships, we must really remind ourselves that we are not just to make efforts of it, but also, pray for it. God created love. Hence, He knows what to do and instructs us what will be our steps to retain the strength of it midst the overwhelming differences that we have towards our partners. Because no matter how difficult it is nor no matter how overwhelming it is, with God, everything is possible. That is why, with my boyfriend right now, he may not know it, but I am always praying that we will last. I know we both know that we can't control future events, but we can ask God to prepare us, strengthen us both to overcome different struggles. We are both not religious, but we do acknowledge His presence to us. We are in a long distance relationship right now, but no distance can keep us apart.

Source: yourcatholicmarriage.com

Author's Notes: 
As I've stated earlier, me and my boyfriend are in a long distance relationship. A lot of articles are saying pros and cons of it. But, personally, what I do adhere is that relationships both long distance and not, as long as we have these five important ingredients for a happy and contented relationship, we can go stronger and we can last forever. Again, God created love. Just pray and everything will be made possible. For sure, we will meet someday and make a new life together.

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God bless you in your relationships! I wish you happiness and contentment with each other! :)

Perfect Beauty: Women's New Approach

Barbie. A fashion doll, manufactured and made famous by Mattel, Inc. in 1959. Since then, it has become the most sold out dolls and considered the one of the most influential in accord to the standards of beauty. It was inspired by a German doll named Bild Lilli, when Ruth Handler, an American businesswoman and also, the creator, seen this doll during their trip in Europe in 1956.

Inspired by Barbie is the concept of perfection. How a beautiful woman should look like.

Perfection. According to 3ders.org, the body proportions of Barbie has been highly criticized for its unrealistic body measurements. Compared to the natural woman's body measurements, the size is really so thin. Come to think of it, who could any woman out there normally has this body size:

Barbie's Vital Statistics: 
Waist: 18"
Hips: 33"
Bust: 36"

Normal Woman's Vital Statistics (based from the measurements of an average woman):
Waist: 31"
Hips: 33"
Bust: 32"

Based from the above body statistics, normally, any woman will be dreaming to have the exact body to what Barbie has. Perhaps, it is any woman's dream. I admit, I'm dreaming I will be slim and look more beautiful like her. And one of those women who is well-known for her persistence to be the real life Barbie is Valeria Lukyanova, 28 years old, a Moldovan-Ukranian model.

Lukyanova is considered one of the highly criticized and most controversial in the modern standards of beauty. It questions how perfect beauty should be appreciated and seen to every woman. With this thought,  she even criticized the degeneration of beauty of the globe nowadays as compared to the 50s and 60s because of too much interracial marriages that are concurrently existing, in which from the past decades, there were lesser interracial relationships that happened than today. She has undergone a lot of plastic surgeries just to achieve the body like Barbie's. Stupid may it sounds, but that's what she did.

 Source of these photos: Google images

Right now, she doesn't eat nor drink something, not even water. I wonder how she does that. She said to interviews that she believes that she can live with just light and air. However, for normal woman's thinking, this is a concrete-example of how anorexia works.

The point here is, current trend of perfection and the thought of how "being beautiful" should be seen among society has really been dismantled. A lot thought that being beautiful is to suffer hunger just to maintain the body they wanted. A lot of women out there, including me, has grown to the thought that being beautiful is seen when you have the 36-24-36 body statistics. Hence, a lot of women who wish to lose weight and strive to be beautiful has done a lot of painful plastic surgeries and even so, painful and extreme hard core body exercises because of being scared to be humiliated by society since they show off what an outcast looks like. To fit in the society, these clear acts of beauty perfections have been prevalent nowadays. 

I really admire those people who are capable to show off what their body has got whether they are slim, fat, chubby or naturally thin. These people are able to show off the confidence that any woman should have amidst the imperfections they've got.

Source of these photos: Google images

 

This is the natural beauty that we should show off. Not those by-products of plastic surgeries and/or cosmetology. I do admit, I have my insecurities. I am chubby. I have 36-32-39 body statistics. It's big, yeah I know. But one's thing for sure, I love how I look like. This is what God has given me. No matter what I do, this has been my body. Yet, this won't prevent me from wearing what I want to wear. That's the most important. Above all, I am loved.

I pity those women out there who suffer the disease of beauty perfection. For me, the deepest reason why they have such act towards their body is that, they have never realized how beautiful they are. With that, they thought that by being touched by injections and all those scary stuff, they will be beautiful. Yeah, they will, but it won't be forever.

Author's Notes:
I have done a lot of starvation from the past just to maintain the body I wanted years ago. I did a lot of painful exercises just to reach the desired goal. But none of these have been that effective to me. Instead, they made me more depressed. After many days, of not doing these things, I realized that I gained a bit weight but I don't care. What matters most to me are my dreams and that a lot of people are unconditionally loving and accepting me regardless of the body that I will be having.  Thus, there's no need to be insecure. Rather, accept what I have right now and thank God for giving me this kind of body and beauty that is rare. 

**I deem acknowledge the owners of the photo used in this blog. 

What life awaits ahead: A Big Change

Baby girl.
Girl.
Teenager.
First love.
First heartbreak.
Second love (:
Marriage.
Wife.
Pregnancy.
Motherhood.
Mama.

A life of a young lady changes dramatically once she gets the step of marriage. This is what they said. They even told me to get a lot of experiences as a youth or as a committed single lady before settling down. Yeah, I haven't traveled that much. But I already did a lot in my youthful days that not all ladies aren't able to do so. For me, these experiences are enough to prepare myself for the married life awaiting me there ahead.

These past few nights, I dreamed of something weird like being pregnant and being caught in a tsunami in a clear blue sea, as well as entering a house full of hanging white cloth. I researched what these things meant. They are interconnecting to my inner set of feelings which I usually suppress and don't express to anyone.  These dreams are telling me that I am setting myself to the tremendous changes that will happen to me in the near future. My feelings are suppressed because I am still somehow fearful of what will be the outcome. But, it generally tells me that I am ready.

I don't know what precautions I should do to really tell myself that I am already set for the new battle that I will be in. I can't even tell myself that I have achieved the ultimate preparation of the changes that will be encountered as I go along in this journey of my life. I can't even tell myself that I know what outcomes that will pop out since I am not God to know them. What I just have here in my hands now is my faith.

God has given me sets of skills and talents which I don't understand why I have this versatility. Later then, I realized that these are meant for the battles, the risks that I will be dealing with an unknown risky life in the future. I don't know my future and how will I look like. But for sure, I am married to the man I am sure of. I am sure of. For sure, he will be the one who will be at the back apart from my family who have been there when I was still a baby. But then, in this new journey, my family is giving their supposed responsibility to the new person, whom they entrusted their daughter with. He is the man whom my family trusted to be at my back as I go to the risky battles of life. At my young age, I seek exploration of the world and learn how wonderful it is. At this stage of life, I also expect him to be supportive of this endeavor. This is not a selfish act. But, the new-model of mutualism. I support him to his every decision towards life and its changes; he, too, supports me to my endeavors. We both know what we wanted. We are clear to that.

The main point of this article is just mere expression of what I feel towards the biggest change that will happen to me in the nearest date. With this, I felt mixed fear and excitement to this new world that I will be facing. Hence, I wish to have the biggest support from the people around me because for sure, I can't handle this myself, especially my lifetime partner.

In advance, I wish to thank him and also my family who have been so patient and understanding to me. I am one of their challenging dealings so far in their lives. Thank you so much for being with me. You are truly a blessing from me. I love you all! I love you, Schatz. :)

Author's Notes:
I am just expressing things from my heart. I'm a bit fearful of what things may come along because it's my first time to be far away from my family. And the date is getting nearer. May God be with me as I face new chapter there, in a new, strange place. So far, this is the biggest challenge that I will be taking. I know there are bigger to come. So help me God. 

The Power of Two: How power couples survive marriage

A lot may wonder why in the midst of the heartbreaking realities of marriage trends the majority of the society today, there are still couples who are able to stick to their vows in their lifetime. There are several examples like Neil Sedaka and Leba Strassberg who have been married since 1962; Bono and Ali Hewson, married in 1982. These power couples are able to surpass the challenges together as one. And these couples admired me most.

I'm aware that marriage is a roller coaster ride. It's not just a world of unreal imagery of couples but rather, a sustainable hard work that makes up the strength of the couples. Divorce has been legalized from the past years. In the Philippines, we are yet to become one of the countries to have it legalized since it's a contradictory to the Christian doctrines of marriage which the two married people should stick to their vows until the end. That is why, separating or divorcing in this country seems to be impossible without money and influence.

A lot of young couples or those couples who have just started their relationship, have these myths in mind that they thought may affect them especially their marriage.

Myth #1: Marrying too young increases risks of divorce
However, although the world is oriented to the thought of gaming the concept of marriage, still, not all couples are believing to this kind of idea. With this thought, I really admire to these people who are able to do this though some married at an early age. Some married in their early 20's just like Neil Sedaka who was just 23 years old at the time when he married Leba. Ali Hewson, on the other hand, was just 21 when she married Bono, who was just around a year older when they got married. This just means that age doesn't matter when it comes to marital responsibilities.

Myth #2: Astrologically incompatible
A lot of sites are telling stars matching between couples will determine how they are when they married and how they will affect marital life. As such, like in my case. I am a Sagittarius and my boyfriend is a Cancer. All sites are telling that this combination will have a turbulent marriage because of bad combination of personalities. They even said that this combination should be avoided. I told myself, if we don't match because it will just lead to turbulent relationship, why we almost match to anything even right now? I know we are still in the stage of not-yet-married, and I am aware that there will be changes once we will get into the situation, but there will be not much changes after all. Our interests, hobbies, likes, dislikes, will be just the same as it is. With these thoughts, I realized that the stars don't determine my life, because it's my decision and my behavior that will affect my relationship to him.

Myth #3: As long as you're in love, you will last.
Yeah, being in the phase where the oxytocin, a hormone responsible for making people in love, is still at its peak, it will create an impression that the couple will last. But, to be realistic enough, let's take a note that it's not just the being-in-love state will be the key to a happy and a long-lasting relationship. What if, you don't have stable finances and you're already married, what will happen if crisis in the future family will come. Good for those self-employed, although they don't have fixed income, at least they are earning and they are sure money will just be around. How about those other who don't have a job? Or, still fickle to working decisions, what will happen? To have a happy marriage, couples should think that it's not just love who will sustain the bond among them, but also the other key factors like trust, financial stability, acceptance, patience, faith, and prayer. With these things, for sure, the couples will have the strongest bond and will have an assurance that their marriage will last.

With these few myths that I just thought of impromptu, while typing the words from my mind, I hope these will help us sustain the "Power of Two". This is how God made marriage. Two different people lovingly cuddles each other while being responsible of their demeanor through respect and acceptance as well as trust with their partners.

Author's Notes:
These things that I have noted are directly from my mind. A direct thought that just pop out and directly encode. No editing. Just a mere thought, with a couple of research.

Behind this reason why I managed to write this blog is to express how I love to have a family of my own and really establish a stable relationship with my boyfriend and have a stable and strong foundation of love and in the future, marriage. It may not be simple as is sounds, but then again, with hard work and understanding from the two of us, no matter how much differences we may have and no matter how the stars denies the compatibility of our lives, it's still the acceptance and trust with the power of our love for each other that will lock the possibilities of a heartbreaking experience. We both failed from the pasts. Hence, these encounters taught us how to prevent that same pain again for each other. With God guiding us all along, we both believe that this relationship that we have right now will last until our lifetime.

I love you, Schatz! So much. God bless us both, dear. :)

Deepening Trust: How I learned it that much?

Just a thought
Probably, a lot of people will say it's not easy to trust or to trust one person. But, usually this depends upon the person per se. A lot of reasons behind it why people's ability to trust is affected much easily and why people don't place their trust to someone as easy as the others. Maybe, they may be in pain before that we don't know or maybe they are victims of how painful realities of trust is. Trust is such a big idea to explore and to deepen. Trust is not just an idea that any individual could think of. Trust is a mystery itself that we don't see in reality but it's there present in our hearts. In silence, it's doing something to keep the balance of life and to retain the interconnectedness of one another, as we go along this journey of our limited life.

Many references will define trust. But, for me, trust is deeper than how Wikipedia or Meriam or any thesaurus will describe. A lot of words are placed there to describe how trust is and should be. It's limited. We know that trust is a belief to someone with all complete honesty and sincerity as well as reliance to anything a man could ever think of based on agreements between the people.

Well, that is how trust is defined. It's how scholars see it. It's simple, right? It can even be defined with one sentence. But, how come experiencing trust is something like a different story.

Mine is nothing extraordinary. It may be already heard from elsewhere. But, personally, the experience is deeper than what I have expected. I never knew that trust is something bigger than how dictionaries define it. I thought it was just a simple and plain truth of life. But, it's nothing easy to deal with. It's not.

I am woman with assertiveness and wit. Everyone knows that. I am someone anyone could praise of. I was once a woman with complete power and fame. But, I easily trust to someone. I give them their responsibilities and designated them to their areas and thought that I learned to trust them. Maybe, I did. But, it wasn't yet the complete truth. That experience was still a pinkie of everything that I will be undergoing all throughout.

First trial of Trust: As a student council president
Way back, when I was still a student council president, I was given such power to give the last word of every decision, that every bit of it means a lot of everyone and a bit of it will affect the entire system and the entire student body. At first, I know trust. Based from dictionaries, yes, as an intellectual, I know. But never in my life that I will be tested with it. Well, going back, I have given my staff their respective responsibilities. I thought it was trust for me. You know, leaving your people behind to work out a certain thing that you visualize as a leader. They looked upon me, to every decisions that they asked. But, it was not. It was just totally an idealistic view of trust, where I can just leave my people behind completely that it came to the point that I didn't knew what was going on.

Lesson learned: 
Never trust anyone 100% because I may not know who will kill me by my own kindness.

Reason:
I don't trust anyone 100% because I may not know how people will kill me with my kindness. I was way too stupid to think that everyone can be trusted. I didn't knew that trust is simply an idea where it will kept by anyone. A value that I share with them that I expected to be kept within their hearts and be left sealed. After that moment, where I didn't knew I was back-stabbed by my own staff (I can say most of them), I realized that it's not good to completely trust anyone, especially that I am a person in power. I should always be vigilant and alert to these people whom I have given my trust.

Second trial of Trust (Batch/As a whole): As an online lover/friend
After college, I was delved with online chatting. So I have chatted a lot of them and even made close to them and really made some attachments to them. After loosing my ability to complete trust anyone after my terrible experience way back, I thought I have already my strongest fence to these predators. But, I didn't have it. I thought trust can be gained back. But, I didn't. I trusted them that they will be true to me, but after a year of chatting almost every continent in the world, I didn't have that complete experience that I'm looking for. From these, I told myself, I don't have a space in this online world. Even online, or even up-close and personal, no one can be trusted.

Lesson learned: 
Guard my heart from those heartless predators. Don't trust anyone else.

Reason: 
In virtual world, where internet is highly a slam in this techie era, it's really inevitable to desire at least to make friends online and really make online connections with the people from the different parts of the globe. I thought that it's safe here from painful experiences or if I will have broken promises here, maybe I will be at least, be able to stand from these victimizing acts from people especially my trust since we are not in the same continent or I am not in person with them and because I am deeply aware that it's my heart that will suffer if I will loose my gates to them.

Third trial of trust: As a long-distance girlfriend
I also met my boyfriend from Germany online. After one month of no chatting from people, here I go again, chat anyone again. Then, I finally met him. He seemed different from the rest of the guys I know. And definitely, he's not stupid. So, I like him from the first time I met him via Skype. We chatted everyday. Every night, too, especially that time when I was still working as a teacher. Not until around mid-May to early July, where our chances of chatting is getting lesser every week, I was greatly tested with trust again. I was then so sad. I read a lot of blogs, articles on how to handle such depression of his absence but none of them became that effective to me. It came to the point that we didn't chat for one week. Only leaving messages from the first two days, not consecutive, it was alternating days. Today, leave message and tomorrow, none. So, it was terrible for me. One blog suggested that in a long distance relationship, regular communication is a must to prevent shaky trust to your partner. But then, during that time, our communication was lesser than we both thought, especially in the early July where we didn't chat at all.

Lesson learned: 
Ironic may it seems, but trust the person 100%.

Reason:
"Just trust me. That's all that I've been asking for." That's what he always plead from me ever since. I know he needs that, because I need that, too, from him. We are in a long distance relationship. From this moment, I realized, that trust is something about responsibility. It's an effort to make it work based from the foundations of trust. It's not easy. But, it's worth the experience. It took me years after which I discovered more about it until such time that my romantic life was a complete test for me as an individual about trust. It is an entirely different from my previous experiences.

Conclusion: 
It's not easy to trust, especially that you've been broken before from your past relationships or terrible painful life experiences from betrayals, distrusts, etc. I know that it's not easy to give it a shot once again, because as human beings it's a natural coping mechanism to make defenses from possible attacks of predators around, searching for our weaknesses and kill us. But you know, what I learned, it's deeper.

Trust is connected with love. Trust is love and love is trust. We can't trust if we don't love. We can't teach ourselves to trust if we don't teach ourselves to love, too. It's connected. No matter how much we try to separate them, but they're naturally instinctive and interconnected. I realized that by trusting someone, it's always a tricky part. Since in giving someone our trust, it's also like giving your heart to them. So, it's also a responsibility to keep it closed and sealed, as promised. Trust will never exist without someone to give to. You cannot give trust if you don't have someone to give it to. You can trust yourself, but without loving yourself, how can you trust yourself you can do it? It's just the same as trusting someone else.

Therefore, I define trust as a value or a belief that any individual can give to both self and others based from what was promised and based from the depth of love that any individual has given to as related to responsibility and 100% effort, which can be affected by some external factors that affects it's depth and shallowness depending upon the degree of pain and capacity for self-defense. It is something that the person entrusted with trust should also work to maintain the fragility of trust and also, the person who give it by believing this person will be able to make it work. Trust is an effort, not just a value because trust is love and love is responsibility.

This is how I defined trust. How about you?  

Author's Notes:
1 John 5:13:15
"I have written this to you to believe in the name of the Son of God, so that you may know you have eternal life. And we are confident that he hears us whenever we ask for anything that pleases him. And since we know he hears us when we make requests, we also know that he will give us what we ask for."

This is how God taught me to regain my ability to trust once again. This is also the verse I've read just hours before my boyfriend popped up from Skype and chatted once again from one week of absence. Thus, this verse means a lot to me. Thanks, Lord for giving him to me. I promise to treasure him for the rest of my life. Amen.