Warum Möchte Ich Viele Dinge Zuschreiben: 10 Reasons You Should Know About

"Writing is good, thinking is better. Cleverness is good, patience is better" - Herman Hesse

Among the thousands of things I could write about, I always end up with some nonsense things to scribble. Among the hundreds of issues I could find interest with, I always end up with nothing to start with. Frustrating as it sounds, but it is. For me. I have written a lot of things since years. It comes in different forms.

Since childhood, writing has become my favorite past time. It somehow functions as a channel to my deepest thoughts which I might forget from my day-to-day routines. I am very busy all day writing articles, reading a lot of news online, revising and readjusting some formats, and everything else. These made my everyday life. I may be paid or maybe not. Who knows? At the end of these things, I might gain something. Well, I will.

Science speaks that writing is a form of therapy to everyone who does it. They said that by having just a few minutes per day, it will make much a difference. It specifies around 15 to 20 minutes of the day. Through writing about anything that comes up in your mind relieves one's system. How does writing help in anyone's life? As Mic.com suggests, those people who write about anything especially about traumatic,
stressful, or emotional events, they can have the following benefits:

1. They are more likely to have fewer illnesses and be less affected by trauma. 

This is because people can express their disappointments and other negative feelings that might be trapped within. These might lead to serious illnesses if not calmed immediately.

2. They ultimately spent less time in the hospital. 

Since people experience inner peace, they don't think much of things that stresses them that much. Instead of thinking of them, they write them down. In this manner, though they seem to be alone and lonely, they are not. Instead, these people are the most peaceful and most calm.

3. They enjoy lower blood pressure. 

Because they are the most calm people, they don't experience rush or rage that causes high blood pressure.

4. They had better liver functionality. 

Liver functions properly if the system is not experiencing so much stress. Yes, too much of negative stresses can lead to serious liver disease if not taken immediate action against it.

5. They have more chances to reevaluate their lives. 

This is the most important thing that everyone should do. However, only a few people can. Through writing, they can monitor how they behave by reading the scribbles once again after months.

6. They think positive most of the time. 

This is because they read a lot (since one cannot write without reading stuffs, too). Whenever there are challenges, writers do think differently. Most of the time, they think with positivism compared to those who don't write that much.

7. They sleep well all time. 

Writing things before sleeping is the best thing to do rather than checking emails or Facebook. This applies to all social networking sites per se. It is more healthy to write journals or diaries before shutting system. By writing everything that comes up with your mind, it will help an individual release emotions before they sleep. In this way, they do have good dreams and peaceful sleep.

8. They judge logically and fairly. 

A sensible writer don't just write about something without some back-up research. Therefore, they don't just judge the book by its cover. They judge people or anything by weighing things first and know both sides before giving conclusions.

9. They learn love is not just felt. 

Grammatically, love is both a noun and a verb. Writers know that. It's totally clear to them that love is a form of affection but at the same time requires an action to show its sincerity. Otherwise, it's considered artificial.

10.  They write to change the world. 

This the highest form of purpose why people write. They wanted to share things that are logical and sensible. And as much as possible, the simplest way possible. It may be targeting environment, war, and so on.


Therefore, writing is not just a mere activity or hobby. This is a work of passion and art of aesthetic experience. No one can write without being sensible. To be sensible, one needs to read and to know the world by any means. Internet can be the most useful in this manner. Don't just utilize internet just to post nonsense online, but a chance to act like how a human should be. To think and to rationalize. This is how humans are made for.

Photo credit: Flickr

Things to know more about patience

It has been several months since I was starting to be more conscious about being more patient in everything I do. From washing plates, to cleaning the house, to finding a job, to everything anyone can imagine. In my daily routine, it has been the most abstract among the thousands that I should be learning repetitively. I am aware of God's existence everywhere. And I know that He is really present in ever places I could think of. He is there just listening, watching me as I do even the negative things I do whenever I am alone. But, He is indeed playful. He wanted me to learn things differently, in a creative way, I should say. However, it was quite a challenge.

Just today, when I opened Facebook, it was quite a surprise that the first notification that I receive from my friends are telling about how a man describes his feelings towards his girlfriend. Actually, they are both my friends, schoolmates in college. I saw this post on my wall.

From the moment I saw his post in my wall, I was amused with the thought that guys are indeed sentimental in nature. Thus, it tells me that although my boyfriend is not a showy type of lover, but he loves that deeply to me.

Second thing was the next notification. It was about devotion. I clicked it and tried to sneak out and see what was posted. Then, it really made me surprise to see this.

I am not alone. Our own fears and insecurities can make us feel that we are beyond help, beyond hope. Relevant may it seems to what is on-going to my life now. But definitely, this made my day. For real. This little things that I have seen are all considered "little miracles". They may be little to hear but they created a big spark in my life today. These little miracles are making my "How-to-be-Patient Lessons" are having its big outcomes.

Even yesterday, a lot was done. A lot of happy things all happened yesterday at once. It was totally superb! So, from the moment I opened myself to learn more about patience. Indeed, it was worthy. Yet, I have to learn more of them step-by-step the hardest way. I don't know why God put me to such tests, but I guess He's really being playful quite a bit. Of all these things that happened to me now, all I can do is just to laugh and to smile to a lot of challenges that happened to me this time. However, I can summarize them this way.

1. Patience requires waiting. So much waiting. 
Since waiting is really Patience's best buddy, if you wish to learn more about being patient, you also need to wait longer, longer, longer until what you have been asking, praying for will be noticed, or guaranteed. Once you ask something or working for something, just accept that it doesn't happen overnight or just a single snap. No.

2. Patience is also about observing "little miracles" around you. 
While waiting for such thing you really wanted to achieve in your life, instead of being stupid and murmur and act like a kid, doing tantrums. So better act like a man/woman, a mature one. How will it be done then? Well, instead of using emotions to go around with your decisions to make your everyday life/routine, better use your God-given wisdom to let you see how beautiful life is through observing "little miracles". They are just so little to be observed and are often neglected.

I have been saying and repeating "Little miracles" all throughout this blog, but what I mean with this is that all things that are happening to you in every minute that seem so natural, boring, so little, etc.

Let's take this scenario as an example: 
"You're tasked to make a lot of work from your boss. So, you're pissed since you can't go out with your friends on a Friday night. You have a lot of work to do. So, instead of being with them and enjoy partying, you went back to your flat and continued with your work. While going back to your home, you went to a store and food shopped.  After having all what you need, you went to cashier and paid. The cashier just said, "Sir, since your items reached around P1,000, you earned a discount of P50 of the entire payment. So, you paid just P950.00 instead of P1,000."

Yeah, it sounds so little to observe and to notice. But this is how I have observed about little miracles that are going around me for several days.

3. Lastly, patience is about timing. It's God's timing. 
Everything has been sucked up and you really felt bad about them. But, indeed, God has been putting all these things in place. As the common Biblical verse saying, "There's always time for everything." You cannot control everything. But you can though, but not all. Not everything. It's just one proof that you have let Him do the rest.

I know I can conclude things written here as of now because all these things are still on an on-going process. So, I just have to pause and think for awhile and reflect that there are still things to know more about patience. 

Appreciation: Wie kann man es fühlen?

As defined by Merriam-Webster Dictionaries, appreciation is a noun which means a feeling of being grateful for something or even an ability to understand the worth, quality, or importance of something.

Thus saying, appreciation is an abstract something which any human needs to be driven enough to achieve things he wanted to achieve in his life. In everything, he does, especially that something that requires much an effort, anyone should be able to acknowledge it and do appreciate everything he has done to keep him moving with much of an inspiration through ups and downs. That no matter what outcomes will be at the end of his endeavors, although he is frustrated or disappointed, but he will never lose that spark in his eyes and the level of inspiration to move forward.

Hence, appreciation is really important to anyone. No matter how big or small his efforts done. They should be appreciated. Because in this big things or small things, they are made possible with effort.

But how can't I feel it in a home where I supposed to feel home?

Ever since, I haven't have much appreciation received from anyone. No matter how much efforts done to make everything they have observed possible, I always do feel unappreciated. I grew up in a home where less appreciation is observed. That's why, I'm so thirsty for it from other people since I know that I can't get it from home. As a result, a lot of stiff and stricken behaviors are observed by lot especially my boyfriend.

Insensitivity towards other people's efforts
Since I grew up not to care other people's efforts because I don't observe it at home, I usually have powerful mouth. Tactless mouth, I should say. I don't care if the words I am saying are okay or not. Lesser sensitivity. How insensitivity and appreciation connect? If you grow up in a home where it's strict, firm, full of disciplines and rules implemented to be a "perfect child", especially if you don't observe that it's good to acknowledge the other people especially with their efforts done to make things possible in the house, it has also greater chances that you grow insensitive. Since appreciation is again, needing emotions and sensitivity to make it.

Giving pressure vs appreciation
In my case, I did grew up in a family where I'm pressured to be on top of everything or even the best that anyone could ever meet and imagine. But, unfortunately, I didn't make it until college. Since I just graduated as is, without honors, medals, etc. Only the widely renowned "Diploma". Plus, I don't observe acknowledgements in the house like even just cleaning the house, sweeping the floors, etc. I don't receive any recognition to it. As a result, I do everything to be praised in the school or to wherever I need to be appreciated by them. Emancipation of appreciation is what is the most I really like. Like in every little things I do, I am hoping to be appreciated by anyone. May it be doing the laundry, sweeping the floor, etc. In these things I do for the family, I don't receive recognition from them. Instead, insults and narrating one by one my faults, lacks, all the negative criticisms, everything negative are being said. That's why, I am wondering how it feels like to be appreciated.

How it feels to be appreciated? 
So, that's why when my boyfriend does that to me, no matter how simple or small endeavor I did, he does appreciate and even saying he's proud of me to these things. It felt good. So much. I wonder if my family does that to me, too.

I just remembered they were telling me that the culture of the house changed when I was not with them. I was in Makati then. So for two months, everything changed. Why? They just told me these things.

No one will cook for them especially dinner. 
No one will clean the house and make it orderly at all times. 
No one will look for the house during the day. Thus, worried about theft. 
No one will do laundry and wash them everyday. 
No one will make noise in the house. 
No one will make cuddles to them. 
More. 

But, I never received any compliment from these things from them. So sad, but it is. That's why I told myself, when I have my own family, appreciation should be a duty to everyone so they will also learn sensitivity towards other people.

So...
Appreciation, wie kann man es fühlen? Nur eine wichtig Frage für Euch.

Too much pride, ego, and sensitivity: Time to let go

Since I was a kid, I have been trained to be the greatest among others. From the way I speak, I act, I do things, everything. I should be the best. I should be the topnotch in class, the best, the highest scorer, etc. That's the truth that I have grew up with. Neither did I know that there are so much values that I less considered and less valued which are rather more important than the truths that I knew.

But, what is the most intriguing part is that why I have to learn these things the hardest way?
Is it naturally like that? 
I even asked my self, why do I have to experience the extremes of life? 
I mean, why do I have to allow myself immersed to the idea that I am already set to undergo so much pain and sufferings in life? 
Do I have really the chances to have a good life and a comfortable and a satisfying life? 
After all, God has given me so much blessings like intelligence, wisdom, dignity, integrity, etc. that any person does have. 

But the greatest question there is
WHY?
WHY THESE THINGS ARE HAPPENING TO ME AND TO MY LIFE?

According to nosuffering.com, pain is inevitable. Therefore, pain is everywhere. We cannot avoid it no matter what we do. It's there. It's given. Thus, all we have to do is how to deal with it.

Pain is a concrete evidence that one is alive. Since it is inevitable as defined, thus, it means that as humans, to be able to conquer it, we should be able to adjust to it and to accept the emotions along with it. It's painful, disappointing, etc. Yes, it is. But, we cannot fully overpass it if we continue living with it and be depressed with it. But, rather, it's the best thing if we use pain to motivate change. Pain is one of the most terrifying teachers to seek change in our lives but definitely, it is the most worthy. Why?

1. We can achieve joy, happiness and fulfillment in life.
As my boyfriend had told me last night as per discussion with the current struggles we are facing right now with our respective problems, he reminded me that it's better to experience difficulties in life rather than having life where we can get something we cant so easily or even pressuring our parents just to get what we want. We never know in the future, we will have the family bankruptcy and sickening economic depression of the family's finances, these people cannot just easily overcome these kinds of challenges compared to those people who are able to experience these beforehand.

2. We can experience peace towards everything, almost everything. 
Since we have already had struggled lives before, achieving success is the most determined goal. Thus, when we are able to achieve it, it's the most exciting and the most interesting part of our lives then. We could feel the comfort and the peace of everything we do both happy times and bad times since we are already trained to deal with the most unwanted roads of life such as distress, sufferings, troubles, etc.

3. We can experience God's powers and mightiness in these times.
We cannot find God if we are not able to see how painful life is without Him. I can say I am not a religious woman but I can say I have my faith with Him. Although I am still shaky with my faith, but having a single percent of it makes a difference. At least, I am being honest with Him rather than facing Him as if I have no flaws and glitches done in my life. During my downfall, aside from my boyfriend who has been my constant companion since then, He is also there to listen and to scream with although I can't see Him. But He is there, listening to me. All time. With that, I can say, one cannot seek Him and see Him if one cannot be in the most distressful events of his life.

4. We can be grateful that we are still alive. 
Pain is again an inevitable emotion and abstract feeling opposite to peace and happiness. But, pain is just a reminder that we are living and continuing the life's obstacles today, and in the future.

In my case, because of these experiences that I am facing today, I realized that it's time for me to learn how to be humble and to decrease the pride, and ego, and too much considerate with what other people are thinking about me. Because as the common adage says, "Too much is bad for anyone who does it." 

References:
http://www.nosuffering.com/nosuffering/explain.shtml
http://www.everystudent.com/journeys/why.html

I want to spend the rest of my life with you

No other woman could ever not dream of such a wonderful and a romantic phrase, "My love, I want to spend the rest of my life with you". Isn't it sweet, right? Yes, it is. Why? I have my reasons.

First, women are naturally emotionally-sensitive individuals. We are structured to master emotional stability. Thus, we are using emotions most of the time in decision-making. But, just most of the time, not really all the time. It's different.

Second, women are naturally seeking for a one-woman-man. A man who would really willing to spend their lives with them no matter the condition is. Both happy times and sad times, both young-looking and already bad-looking due to old age or what.

Third, women, as naturally-born homemakers, are structured to be the leaders at home. As such, we are already acquainted with the household chores and how to perfectly do them as required by society. With that, most of us are busy making the house clean and orderly, peaceful and not chaotic, at all.

Fourth, women are naturally destined to a man who will love them for they are. No matter what insecurities we have since we are already pre-judged by the way we look, there will be always that man who would look at us differently from the rest of the group.

For me, these things which I consider unexpected just came along to my life. And I thank God for having met him in such places where I didn't consider interesting at all.

With that, I wish to tell him that, "Schatz, I want to spend my entire life with you." Why?

First, I admire you.
You have the attitude which I really find attractive and inspiring. I can't define everything you have but I can specify some traits you have which I really find admirable. You are the man of patience and of positivism. Amidst the negative and troublesome circumstances, you are still able to move forward though in some minutes you are down. But, with just a matter of short time, you are able to move and make steps to face reality unlike me.

Second, I need you. 
You have the energy and the love and care that I mostly need to fight over circumstances and to overcome my weaknesses. I am a strong woman, but still I have weaknesses which you are able to witness yourself. You have the complete of reasons to leave, but you still stayed and still been patient with me and my negative attitudes.

Third, I love you. 
You are the man which my heart and soul love. You are the right man for me and you are the man I consider a gift from the heavens above. Your name has been marked deep in my heart and cannot be erased. You have loved me so deep and so eternal and so sincere. You are the perfect picture of love and care which I really admire, need, and love.

With these things, I am proud to say that I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I admire you, I need you, and I love you. :-*

Morgen ist meine Prüfung

Tomorrow will say everything what I have done. My best, my efforts, my life, my path.
Tomorrow is the day I have waited after several months of studying both self-study and in formal language school.

I have not written any blog in this month because of super busy schedule and super tiresome day, everyday. So, I have not given myself an ample time to think and to reflect of what I have done in those days. However, I think I could say I have shared my life in this path. And with that, I can say that this is so far the best that I did which I really made efforts for. Why? I have reasons.

1. I have taken the challenge to be away from my family for months.
Which is really hard for me to do and so with my family, whom been with me since I was born. I should say. But then, I was able to bear that sad feeling leaving away from my dear hometown and try to adjust myself to the new environment and to the new society for several months. Without my family with me, I was able to know myself more in terms of my real beliefs, morals, and so on. Though I am with my cousin, but still I feel alone in this battle of adjustment towards my surroundings.

2. I have taken the challenge to speak the language which is not my mother tongue for several months and deal with new set of people.
To be honest, this is not my first experience to meet new people and be able to mingle with them since I was immersed to the intercultural thing way back college through leadership and active participation to university's activities before. But this is the first time that I have to live with the culture of the surrounding people like speaking their language which sounds new to me though I have learned it since kid, and to live and to cope with their living standards at the same time, which is new to me. But so far, in my total experiences here, I can say that I am happy that I am able to cope with this part, which I really consider the most challenging. For me, this is a jumpstart to the new or bigger or tougher coping abilities once I will be outside the country.

3. I have been able to gain new experiences apt for the environment I am in.
Since I arrived here in Makati, which is the Business Central District in the Philippines, I could see some little changes in the way I think such as being more open to the new possibilities of life and being able to receive every challenge and every new experience with optimal positivism or explicitly seen with a big smile midst big troubles. Throughout my stay here, I have experienced tougher challenges, problems here which I was not able to have before. That makes me more stronger here and makes me feel that I am a decision-maker. I decide on my own, I make things out of my own desires and not decisions made by others for me. These things made me feel certain that I have the capacity to decide and to make things on my own.

4. I have been able to see how important it is to have new set of experiences rather than stay to a routine.
Right now, I am able to realize that I have to make some new ideals to cope with the rapid changes in my surroundings. Apart from my fashion statement, which I redo to make me feel confidence with myself, I also decided that I need to live a healthy lifestyle. Because I need to be fit balance to my body. So, I can love myself more. I have loved myself in terms of intellect and beauty, but not yet with my body. I have hated it for so long. Now, with the new experiences that I have gained here, I have realized how important it is to be fit and try to make a big move towards healthy lifestyle.

5. I have been able to survive the risk that I have gone through.
Being able to live life with the new environment is never as easy as it sounds. But, with courage and inner strength, I was able to survive it. Thank you, Lord for guiding me, for being with me at all times. This time, I am more confident with myself.

In general, I am so thankful to everyone who helped me to surpass all these things.

a. My family, who have been ever supportive to me and to all my endeavors, who have heard my cries and complaints and for encouraging me all times and also, for sharing their love for me as their daughter/sister. They have never failed to arouse my drive to fight towards my new environment and reminded me to keep calm and stay upright at all times though I am in tough situations. Thank you so much, Pa, Ma, Hann.

b. My boyfriend, who have been always at my back who always tap my shoulder and reminding me not to worry because I am always doing good. He has been always my vent to all my cries and complaints, my happiness, my joys, my sadness, so on. He has been there to listen to me. He has never failed to show how much he cared and loved me. Thank you so much, Schatz.

c. My cousin, Hannah, who has been acting like my sister here. She has always been helping me unleashing the hotness in me. Helped me to be a better me than before and to be able to live up with the difficulties here in this big city where we are both living. Thank you so much, Badiyat.

d. My God, who has been always my Guide and Wisdom-Provider. He has always been my Protector in this wide busy streets, and protected me from ill-mannered people and bad elements in the society. He has always been my Teacher in times when I really don't know what to do and being the Protector of my family in CDO and in Germany. Thank you so much for giving me such blessings in life. I do cherish all these things You have provided me.

I am just so excited for tomorrow's exam and the next day's trip back to my hometown. Tschüss!

Liebe ist ein Verb, noch nicht nur Gefühl

Nur jetzt habe ich ein E-Book gelesen am "The Logic of Love". Es ist der Titel mit Stefan Molyneaux als Autor. Er sagt da dass Liebe ist noch nur fühlen aber noch ein Verb. Es braucht Tun. Wie? Wie jetzt spreche ich auf Deutsch Sprache obwohl er ist Schwierig für mich aber noch benutzen. Warum? Doch, Liebe. Aber, das sind alles. Ich kann nicht ja Deutsch sprechen nicht mehr. Aber dass bedeutet nicht ich habe mir kein Liebe. Sehr dumm Ahnung.

Well, a lot of people are simply telling "I love you". It sounds so romantic and rejuvenating. But, what they don't understand that love has its sub-contents and sub-philosophies that lie underneath the big L word. Thus, having several mistakes out of their illusions created by mind on how they look love.

Many have known that love is something felt from the inside. Thus, even telling they love the person but they only love him for what she only sees and her for what he only sees and vice versa. But, real love is different. It's not just a feeling, a satisfying feeling of flesh and mind. But, it is an action that requires hard work and sacrifices.

Our parents are just one of the few examples we can recognize of real love. No matter how hard headed we are as kids or as their children, but still they are able to welcome us with warm heart and arms open wide. No matter how we fail them, they are still able to repress the feeling of disappointment and let love overpower them. But this doesn't mean, it's a totally highlighting the abusive-oppressive thing among children-parents relationship but just a brief view on how our parents love us, for real.

Now, let's take the other side. How about our partners? Are we able to accept them and love them for real? For no matter who they are? This is not an easy concept. There are a lot of things we ought to consider as part of the "id-ego" mechanism of humankind. But, forgetting the intellectual side of it, let's go deeper towards its deepest philosophies.

According to the author, love is not just a statement but rather an action to make to prove its worth and its existence. Yeah, it's true. We will know true and super real love if we are able to make things out of our comfort zone specifically to the persons we most love, and most especially if what we are doing is really for them. Only a small percentage remains to yourself then.

Love is not just a painting you chose to buy but when you arrive at home, you'll repaint it with your own desired designs. It is not just a mannequin to dress to what you want your partner looks and appears to the society to make your ego satisfied. No! Love requires acceptance. Whether he or she is fat, thin, or whatever, accept your partner for who he or she is. You can't just love him for what you just want but you love him because of him and how he really appears and acts.

Zum Schluss, love is ein Verb, noch nicht nur Gefühl. :)

Vor 30 Jahre Alt: Was mache ich?

Wie alles Frauen der Welt, wir haben groß Träumen. Beide selbst und ändern. Wie alles Frauen auch, ich habe mir Träumen. Ach, genug Deutsch. Ich spreche jetzt auf English. Doch!

Well, like other women in the world, we all have our sets of dreams. Both for ourselves and for other people. Like all the women in the world, I have also my own sets of dreams. Actually, there a lot of them. But mainly, among the thousands of dreams that I have in mind and have desired since before, is to be successful. In whatever terms, in whatever means. To live life to the fullest and be the happiest woman on earth. For me.

It may sound selfish though but actually it's not. I am the kind of person who would be happy if I see other people happy, too. And most of all, if I can see my family in fullest comfort, I'd be rather most happy. Right now, I'm still in the process of building myself. Trying to figure out what I really want and what I wanted and desired. For several times, actually nth time, I'm exploring more and more. And what I've only got is the idea of making my family happy. For me, sacrifices are worth making if I just see them in utmost prosperity, I'm already okay and relieved. I think that's the major part of my dreams apart from having my selfish dreams to be on top priority. It's just part of it. Why?

Unlike other people out there, they have certain goals of being the top earner or businessmen per se, or something specific. But, I really don't have. Yeah, I have the heart to teach, but I also want other stuff, like pursue fine arts, etc. So, basically, I don't know. I also want to pursue Ph.D. in any academic field. That I don't know. Just now, all I have in mind is the idea to be a successful woman for my family and for my future family.

That's why I am writing this blog to be a record of what I am thinking now. So, to see my progress of my attainments in life. There are a lot of things in mind now. But so far, I have my fullest priority: To go abroad and live life with my husband. And things go along the way, by then.

God bless me.

Nach ein Monat: Wir haben gesehen

I guess this part is not rare among those who are into long distance relationships. And I guess that everyone with this situation is feeling the same way as I do now. And for me, it's not that easy.

Everyone does not believe with such existence and not everyone is able to accept this fact that it works and it really exists. It's really hard to prove it unless we are able to see each other by then. But now, it's getting closer.

We haven't seen each other for a month through Skype since I have stayed here in Makati. No internet connection. No TV. No radio. Everything static. Seems like in the Stone Age. Sounds weird for such a "business center" area. I only got my phones and my laptop with me, hoping that I could get a good connection. But, still, same as in my hometown, I haven't. It's gotten even worse.

So, yeah, we haven't seen each other for a month. And it's not really usual since we do chat almost everyday. But, since then, when I got here, we just call (actually he calls), text (via WhatsApp), and now, at last, Skyping. Although having a pocket WiFi device with me is expensive for me, but still I have to have it to have a good connection, at least. (Since the phone with WhatsApp was dead for good). So, I am really happy now that I see him and I could at least more than before. So, well, this time this is getting exciting.

I have nothing to think more but exact happiness. I feel so good today. Super! :)

Pros and Cons when living alone/with independence at a young age

It seems like life is easy when you're still on total dependence from your parents or so. You can just eat your meals immediately as soon as you wake up from your awesome sleep. You can just ask them for allowance or even some other help apart from financial crisis you are facing. Actually, you don't have problems with budgeting because you have your mom or your dad to do it for you. Everything, almost, is given to you for free. But, when you start living on your own, it is quite a different story.

CONS:

1. You budget your own money. 
You're parents are not there to support you anymore. Therefore, it's time to practice some budgeting skills on your own. At first, you find it a hard time but later on you'll be able to realize that it's not easy to do it and how money runs in cycles from the time you have them in your hand. You'll even realize that you need to do some sacrifices of shopping, etc. just to make your budget enough for a week, perhaps.

2. You buy your own needs and wants. 
Since you are now on your own feet, somehow, you must have to think that no one is there to serve you the meals for the day. Thus, you have to do it on yourself. If you wish to eat something, then buy some from the nearest store, etc. In short, you have your choice to be hungry or not. When you want to have something for your personal hygiene, etc. maybe, no one is there to buy for you. Instead, do it on your own. Face the consequences if you forgot to buy sanitary napkins during your first day of menstruation. Just a concrete example (for girls).

3. You miss your family back in your hometown.
Actually, this is the most challenging part especially for those who lived away from parents for the first time. Because of the challenging encounters faced alone, you started to feel the need to be with them. And because of that, you are starting to miss them. That's why you even have to include calls and texts, or even Internet (pocket WiFi/at least, there is a good signal. This time in my place, it sucks!) from your budget so you can have contact with them at least.

4. You have to face problems alone. 
No one would be there to comfort you whenever you have problems. So, you have the freedom to cry all night just to release your sadness and annoyance to the new lifestyle you are having. It is not easy to live alone and away from your hometown and at the same time adjusting to the new and strange cultures of the surrounding people in the new home you are living.

PROS: 

1. You have to learn to be a superwoman somehow. 
Since you are alone, no one is there to comfort you or do something for you in behalf, it is the right time to unleash the superwoman in you. This is also the right time to know yourself as an individual and what your true adherences are especially your strength (to its limits).

2. You have time to know yourself more.
Your true beliefs, values, rights and wrongs, etc. are being tested, too. So, practice it and enjoy being independent. At this time, you are already aware of your own limits and also your strengths and weaknesses. At least, it's an advantage for the upcoming challenges that are bigger than today. When you are able to master the skills of independence, you have come to make own decisions which are not dictated or made by other people. It's your own. Thus, you are able to see and to fee the consequences of every decision you make. Therefore, you have bigger chances to make wiser decisions in the future.

3. You are far better than those other young adults still dependent from parents.
In the Philippine culture, we are aware of the fact that even those people who are of adult age are still in the dependence of their parents. It's a sort of culture and we know that it's  difficult to face it out. Try to see them when they will move or have their own family, you will notice that they have hard time to make things work. Why? Because at their young age, they are not able to stand on their own and experience independence once in a while.

Author's Notes:
It's my first time to be away from my parents for months. So, that's why it's a bit strange for me to live alone somehow. I'm just hundreds of miles away from my parents now because of my studies. In my new place and room, I'm with my cousin though but still, it's different. We have different lives to move and to live. So, we don't influence each other that much when it comes to decisions. So, that's why I've come up with these ideas in this blog based from my experiences. I'm positive I will be able to survive this! Geh! Geh! Geh!

Eine Woche im Makati Stadt

It has been almost a week since I arrived here in Makati City. At the first glance, I was then amazed with the skies above that people don't see when they're down there. But, way up there, riding the plane, I was really surprised with the feeling of such amazement. Apart from the experience of amazement, I was quite surprised with the airplane turns. Almost 180 degrees. Isn't it amazing? Sounds like I'm riding an air fighter in a war. Hahaha! But, in general, when I started to depart from the airport from Cagayan de Oro, my hometown, I already started to feel the sadness since I have to leave the town for long. I know it's just around 2-3 months but, it's a complete absence that I will surely miss.

Ankunft von Haus: 
Gegen 7 Uhr, mit meine Eltern zusammen,  ich hätte nach meine Tante gefahren. Ich hätte mein Onkel gewarten zu reisen nach Airport mit Auto zusammen. Ich weiß es nicht wenn das ist in gut Deutsch grammatik. Hahaha! Ich sollte brauche mehr und mehr Deutsch Wörte und lerne ich gut grammatik von Deutschkurs. Ich sollte! Ich wonnte Master meine Wörter auf Deutsch. Nun, überhaupt, yeah, Ich war im NHA (place of my cousin) und habe meine Fruhstuck (viele) isst da und habe für mein Onkel warten. Also, gegen halb acht Uhr, wir noch Ankunft von Haus. Ich sage mein letzte "Goodbye" meine Eltern bin ich fangen für Monate vor an. 

Anfangen im Makati:
Nach ein Stunde reisen durch Flugzeug, ich habe glucklich dass bin ich viel Himmel uber viele Strasse gesehen. Es ist wie in auch Himmel! Ach, sie sind sehr schon! Ich kann nicht jeden Tag die Himmel sehen, oder? Also, ich habe Amüsant! Also, wenn ich im Makati geangekommen, ich war überrascht! Warum? Nun, ich nur sehe neu Kultur, höre neu Sprache von viele Leute. Also, ich sage mir "Ich sollte spreche mehr Philippinisch heute und verstehe auch!" Ich brauche mehr Hannah bedanken für mir ihre Hilfe.Also, heute, ich habe kein Problem im Philippinisch beide sprechen und verstehen.

Im Makati, ich sehe viele groß Gebäude hier. Sehen auch breit Straße, schnell Autos. Alles! Sie sind neu fur mir! Aber, jetzt, sie sind nicht neu weil ich sehe alles jeden Tag, auch ganze Tag.

Wie bin ich hier im Makati? 
Nun, überhaupt, alles sind gut, sehr gut. Ich übe mehr und mehr Deutsch wahrend gehe im Malls, und so weiter spazieren. Ich mache sehr gut im der Schule, also ich habe kein Problem meine studieren. Hehe! Das ist alles für heute. Ich sollte schlafe jetzt gehen, noch müde von studieren Deutsch! Ach! Ach!

Hopeful of the Wedding Celebration's Success

Today, I am just here taking care of my aunt who has been sick for four days now. Everyone: my cousins, my aunts, my uncles, even my mother and sister were there in the grand celebration. Everyone's wishing for the wedding's success. God bless them.

As much as I wanted to go and enjoy with them, I can't. I have a big responsibility to make. And that is to take care of my aunt,who was once my yaya, tutor, the second mother.

Years back, when I was still around 6-month old baby, she had been there taking care of me. Though, I don't have any idea of her existence during those crucial times, she witnessed the most memorable events where I first learned things this world has prepared for me. My talents were exhibited during those early years, and also the possibility to be honorable and admirable through excellence in academics, were once taught by her. I first touched my favorite instrument, guitar, was inspired from her when she brought her guitar whenever she visited, during her schedule, which was then during the weekdays. During the weekends, on the other hand, she'll be staying in Mama Inday's house, the second eldest sister (since there are four of them including my mom and Madel). I first sang my first song when she brought a lot of music and song books and sang out loud, though I can't speak. Loud murmurs were surrounding the house the entire day. Neither did I realize, how huge her impact is to my life.

She was 30 years old when she took most of her time with me in 1992. When my mom and dad goes to work, she then acted as my second parent. I should like a foster parent. From the early morning until night time, she never failed monitoring my progress from school and even my social activities (going out with friends, touring around the hills and, several houses, not including my desperate and stupid behavior way back. Hehe). When I get sick, she just immediately respond without complains since phones at home were not yet existing during those times unlike today. In my academics, she became my awesome and strict tutor. She never wanted me to fail in all subject areas and did her best shot to teach me though she's not an education major. I could remember her scribbling, doodling a lot to make a sample test paper where I could practice at home and master the lessons for the next day's quiz or any classroom activities. She even slept so late at night just to finish them so I could study by the next day after my class. Apart from being my home teacher, she's also the cook in the house. She cooks every meal of the day. Breakfast, lunch, and dinner. I could clearly remember those times when she was still strong and healthy.

However, right now, she's now suffering from the complications of her diabetes. From her eyes, down to internal organs, slowly, she's starting to feel a lot of pains in her body. So, that is why, I am here with her. I chose to be with her than attend to my cousin's wedding. No matter how much I wanted to be with them and enjoy, I can' dare myself enjoying and be merry while Madel is suffering from her sickness.

While I'm here, right now, I just wish them the wedding ceremony's success. God bless them'

Dakong natun-an: An open letter in Visayan

Pasiuna 
Una sa tanan, kini ang pinakauna nako nga blog nga naka-Visayan. Wala lang, tistingan lang nako. At least, na-try nako mag-post in Visayan. Tanan man gud nakong mga gipang-post dinhi puro English. Wala koy gisulat diri nga nagpaila sa akong linggwahe nga akong nadak-an sa pipila ka tuig. Daghan ko'g mga rason nganong nag-desisyon ko nga magbuhat ani nga blog sa naingong diyalekto. Una, pipila na lang ka adlaw ang nabilin sa ako nga magbisaya kay tungod sunod Sabado, molargahay nako sa Manila which is Tagalog na ang ilang sinultihan. Siyempre, Bisaya gud ko. So, malamang mingawon ko sa mother tongue nako, kay puro na Tagalog akong isulti pag-abot nako dadto. Ikaduha nga rason nganong nag-Binisaya ko karon kay para magpaila nga Bisaya ko og wala ko'y plano nga ilimod kini sa katibuk-an. Ikatulo, sa sumusunod nga tuig nga siguro mahimo nako'ng inahan sa akong mga anak, at least, mabasahan nila ni og ila ning masabtan og maila nga kini ang akong sinultihan jud aside sa English, Tagalog og in the future, German, kung ma-master na nako. Hehe.

1. Ang akong paglarga. 
Karon Agosto 23, molargahay ko'g Manila para magtuon og German sa pipila ka mga bulan. Gikan Agosto hangtud Nobyembre, naa ko dadto. Ang rason pud nganong moadto ko'g Manila kay para mag-take og exam sa A1 nga gikinahanglan sa German Embassy para ma-approve akong mga papel para sa posibleng pag-migrate nako. Puhon, maayong Ginoo.

2. Ang akong gigikanan.
Gikan ko sa lugar nga Binisaya ang sinultihan. Og sa dihang diha ko gikan, akong ipanghambog nga Bisaya ko og dili ni angay nga akong ilimod sa kadaghanan labi na kung naa nako dadto.

3. Ang akong mga anak.
Labi na nga gapaduol na ang mga bulan nga ako maminyo na sa akong uyab nga German, sa akong edad, ako nang gi-expect nga mahimo jud kong inahan. Busa, para dili nako mahikaw ang akong pagka-Bisaya, ako silang tudluan og angay nila mahibaw-an ang gigikanan nako. Kung aha ko nagdako, nagdalaga, og nagminyo. Kung moabot ang adlaw nga ila ning mabasahan, wala koy ikamahay kay ako mang gipakita sa ilaha nga dili nako ihikaw sa ila nga Bisaya pud sila.

Sulat sa taga-sulat: 
Nalingaw ko og himo ani nga blog tungod kay Binisaya kini og pinakauna pud ni nga blog nako nga Binisaya. At least, naa ko'y gipang-post diri nga nagpaila jud sa akong diyalekto. Dili puro English. Mao ra ni sa pagkakaron. Salamat sa pagbasa.

Preparation for departure: Plane Ticket Booking Confirmed at last

Your booking confirmation.
Thank you for choosing Philippine Airlines.
Please be reminded that you have acknowledged and accepted PAL's online terms and conditions, as follows... Blah Blah Blah..

As of the moment, I already have the plane ticket of the airline I ever dreamed to ride on. Philippine Airlines. Literally, I am totally amazed with the feeling that I am now getting closer to this dream since when I was still a kid, that someday, I will be able to ride on to this plane where I could experience comfort and see how this most-sought airline has prepared to pamper passengers on board.

Source: Boring.ph

 

I just know some basic information about the said airline and I am not even paid to give a review on the experience. But, for my own diary of my experience, it's cool to blog it here. As far as I know, this airline is the flag carrier of the country. Thus, it is one of the most considered and chosen airline where people are giving much respect of. For me, other than those other airlines, this is one of what I admired. I don't know. Maybe, because a lot of people that I know always give me a remark that this airline is the best. Hence, I have in my mind the sort of excitement of my own experience whether I could grasp what it means to be in that plane. It just started with a dream. Now, it's becoming true. 

I went to the main office of the airline this afternoon and confirmed my booking. I made a friendly transaction with the agent [who was so friendly to me though I sought him so strict at first with his matching pilot-ish attire] and made a peaceful exit with a smile on my face. In my mind, all I thought was...At last, I will be riding this plane.

So, cool. For real. I have already my first flight experience but it wasn't that satisfying to me. Let's see what this year's flight could offer. I can't wait to experience it. 

However, though I have this excitement, still, there is that part where I'm a bit sad of. 

I will be far away from my family whom I stayed with for around 22 years now, since this is the first time in the family where one has to stay away for months. And so far, in the family's record, this has been the longest duration of a family member away from each other. I will be far away from my family for around 4 months. For me, it's a perfect mix of sweet sadness deep within. As my boyfriend asserted, "That will be the most memorable experience..." And I am really looking forward to it. 

 

Right now, I have my plane ticket with me. I just can't help it but watch it all the time. Hold it several times. Brag it to my mother and sister all the time. Why? Philippine Airlines is Philippine Airlines. The best-sought. The classy flight. My sister even wants to have one.  

 

Well, I guess that's it for now. Just expressing my thought. :) 

Tschuss!  

Some admirable traits I see worthy possession of a man

In as much as I would hate my father for being strict and fickle, he is my father and I love him. This was my perspective towards his image before I got to know him more.

I asked my mother about him. Courageously, I asked her about his behavior without our presence, without the presence of everyone. Just him and my mother. After a lengthy conversation, she arrive to the following summary of how she loves my father that is worth of her love (no matter how stubborn he is).

1. He is a man of promise. 
"Word of honor" as everyone notes it. For him, when he says something either a promise of time, thing, anything which he has given to anyone, he must make sure that he will make it possible. For example, when he informs my mother that "Ma, I will be here by 5PM." As expected, he is already there. Another instance, where he told us that we are stupid for not doing our promises to anyone like to our peers, cousins, etc. Even single promise like wanting to send money at this hour, at this day, which he told the person he owed to, he definitely makes it on time. For me, this is the trait I admired the most which I hope will be practiced with my future life. I, myself, is a person of promise. When I say, "See you later", no matter how busy I am, I really make sure that I will see that person since I gave my promise of seeing later. I got this from my father.

2. He loves dramatically his family. 
Even before they married with my mother, she has already observed that he is a bit exaggerated when it comes to love and emotions. I could say, he is really emotional type of man, trying to hide in his hard and stiff exterior. I didn't get this when I was younger, since all I just see is the exterior. I never get the chance to see and to know his depth soul. Just this time, that I realized that he also cries a lot when he even misses anyone of us, or with a simple fight or argument with anyone in the family. And no matter, how grievous our sins are, with a simple "Sorry, Pa." He cries and forgives. Personally, I admit, I love dramatically and I tend to share my overflowing emotions towards loving anyone. So, that's why I am really careful in choosing whom to love, because I am scared that anyone will hurt me again or even take me for granted.

3. He considers presence as the most valuable gift to his loved ones. 
He may not be able to see us in some matter of days or even months (for my German exams), but still, when we need him, he is always there. He doesn't allow his self to make anyone feel his absence. For him, presence is the best gift you can give to anyone and even the most valuable thing he can give to prove that his family is not taken for granted [no matter how busy he is nor how tired he is from work]. He makes sure that he has time for us. 

4. He is over-protective.
Yeah, this is natural to any father out there especially if their children is a girl. According to my mother, he is really protective to our welfare since he is really aiming that what his life before when he was in his youth. When he was young, he was not able to experience how a responsible father should act, behave, etc. So, he is really trying his best to give out his best for the best for his family. I really admire this trait since I am aware that working hard for somebody is not as easy as it sounds. It's easier to work for own interest than working hard to support anyone especially his family.

5. He is faithful. 
Both as a husband and as a father, he is the man of faithfulness. No matter how my mother's stubbornness irritates him, he still clings onto her. Through the ups and downs of the family, his endurance and unending love portrays a strong indicator of his faithfulness. Unlike any man out there, although considered their selves committed, but still, the "hormones" are unstoppable and still searching for another business to attend [if you know what I mean]. I really admire men who are exercising their faithfulness to the woman they committed and to the children he has swore.

6. He is organized. 
Both as a young man, or even as a father, organizational skills are a bit required. This is not just about being able to buy shelves and segregate papers from useful to scrap. But, it's also about how a man thinks and chooses to whatever steps or moves he has to make, facing varied consequences at the end. Regardless of that, for a man, especially for those who are already have a family, organizational skill is such a requirement to learn.

Why? The simple reason is that, how could the household be systematically functional if the man is not able to organize even his thoughts, his papers, his demeanor, his entire being as a man. How could a woman look up to him as a leader of the relationship or of the family if he is not even able to make smart and clever decisions? According to Bible, men are assigned by God for such leadership to both family and society. So, as a man, it's natural for women like me to look up to my man's decision although I have my own. For me, although we are both smart [me and my husband], I may have suggestions, but it's the man's word is considered the last word. It's applicable to the household as such, the man should be able to stand firm and quick with his decisions because he is programmed to lead his family or future family. As to my father, he is fickle-minded. He changes mindset. My mother, to balance the harmony of the house and maintain peace and order, she suggests. As daughters, also, helps him decide. But, it's still in himself, the last decision, which we're going to follow. 

Authors' Notes:
With these things I have observed from my father, I grew up thinking that the men are like him and do things as he does. With these things, I observed from my current boyfriend, who is also a father, he also acts the same like my father. But,well, of course, there are differences. But, in general, they act similar. So cool.
 
On the other hand, I just look up to whatever my husband decides especially towards household system. I may have my own decisions, but as married couples [which will be my pathway--clearly, where I am going], everything lies down to communication. Whether the husband's or the wife's decision will be followed or any of the two varied decisions will be compromised. But, as naturally formed and structured, the stronger decision lies in the hands of the man, husband, boyfriend. But that doesn't mean that he can control, manipulate, or dictate the freedom of speech and/or freedom to express opinions, of the other.

Again, to conclude, a man has to be responsible to everything he acts. He should act like a man, not as an immature idiot especially when the man is involved to any relationships or fatherhood. Why? It is because, once he acts like an asshole, a lot of people will be affected by it. And it's not a good act.

However, the statements are just my opinion and are merely based from what I have observed and what goes on in the household. Thus, it may not or may be true to others. 

Ingredients for a Happy and Contented Relationship

Source: webdesignlayer.com

 

Individuals, as human as we are, have different unique ways based upon how we act, behave, like, dislike and so on. We have different set of qualities that are exclusively possessed only within, and may affect each other in the long run. But, we know that these are not easy to deal with since maybe we have grown up to this routine or our parents influence us to act like this or perhaps, our experiences shaped us like the way we are in the present. There are a lot of reasons to dig. Thus, in relationships, which two different people are involved in it, will likely to have difficulties in handling a strong romance with each other. Regardless of this fact, it has been an inevitable obstacle. However, there are still a lot of couples are able to strive to succeed to this kind of challenge. They are able to find some ingredients that will help them in coping their differences towards a happy and contented relationships.

1. Respect. 
This is one value that every couple should be able to realize. Although, yeah, the two of you are able to adjust to one another since you do love each other but realistically, there are still overwhelming differences that may be difficult to handle at first, but with respect from one another, these differences will be accepted. If arguments arises due to our conflicting differences, just remind yourself that you are hitting on the issue, not the person. Hence, resolve the issue without creating damage to our partners.

Source: buzzle.com

2. Acceptance.
In connection to respect, acceptance comes along the way. Perhaps, your boyfriend or girlfriend may have something that you hate for example, in my case, my boyfriend is a smoker since youth, the only thing that we can do is to accept that fact. By accepting that fact, it doesn't mean that you just leave him/her destroy his/her life by leaving it just like that, but it will be a jump start for us to see the whole being of our partner. In this way, we will be able to identify that unconditional love for him/her. As their partner, always remember that we are entrusted with their lives. Instead on hitting on the negatives and nag, help him improving his self for his good sake without nagging him.

Source: ablelife.com

3. Trust.
As you accept partner as he is, trust develops in the latter. Trust-building is one of the most challenging part of the relationship. Of course, we don't want to be hurt or to be betrayed by anyone, even the most loved. This is a natural human coping mechanism. Since we are in a relationship, no matter how challenging it is to develop trust to your partner, this is still a requirement. We commonly hear, "without trust is without love". It is true. We cannot see the value of our partner if we are not trusting them. We just feel that we are trapped with something intangible. Thus, there is no romantic or even peaceful atmosphere whenever you are with each other. This is totally a disaster!

Source: cmster.com

4. Love. 
This is one of the most seen ingredient among the others to achieve a happy and contented relationship. With love, it comes in different levels. First, is the physical attraction and the second is the responsibility, which is the deeper type. It also comes in different languages. Therefore, there are many ways to express love and feel loved. It comes with verbal or vocal way of expressing and, also just mere action. "Action speaks louder than words" as they say. Regardless of how varied and creative we may express it to our partners, one thing that we should keep in mind that it is the best if we express them everyday. If it is not that much to us, we can express them every hour. It's so cheezy, right? But, admit it, saying "I love you" or being told so, will really melt down our hearts, especially if they are from the man/woman we do love.

Source: hdwallpaperscool.com

5. Faith.
To have a secured stronghold to our relationships, we must really remind ourselves that we are not just to make efforts of it, but also, pray for it. God created love. Hence, He knows what to do and instructs us what will be our steps to retain the strength of it midst the overwhelming differences that we have towards our partners. Because no matter how difficult it is nor no matter how overwhelming it is, with God, everything is possible. That is why, with my boyfriend right now, he may not know it, but I am always praying that we will last. I know we both know that we can't control future events, but we can ask God to prepare us, strengthen us both to overcome different struggles. We are both not religious, but we do acknowledge His presence to us. We are in a long distance relationship right now, but no distance can keep us apart.

Source: yourcatholicmarriage.com

Author's Notes: 
As I've stated earlier, me and my boyfriend are in a long distance relationship. A lot of articles are saying pros and cons of it. But, personally, what I do adhere is that relationships both long distance and not, as long as we have these five important ingredients for a happy and contented relationship, we can go stronger and we can last forever. Again, God created love. Just pray and everything will be made possible. For sure, we will meet someday and make a new life together.

Source: 3.bp.blogspot.com

God bless you in your relationships! I wish you happiness and contentment with each other! :)

Perfect Beauty: Women's New Approach

Barbie. A fashion doll, manufactured and made famous by Mattel, Inc. in 1959. Since then, it has become the most sold out dolls and considered the one of the most influential in accord to the standards of beauty. It was inspired by a German doll named Bild Lilli, when Ruth Handler, an American businesswoman and also, the creator, seen this doll during their trip in Europe in 1956.

Inspired by Barbie is the concept of perfection. How a beautiful woman should look like.

Perfection. According to 3ders.org, the body proportions of Barbie has been highly criticized for its unrealistic body measurements. Compared to the natural woman's body measurements, the size is really so thin. Come to think of it, who could any woman out there normally has this body size:

Barbie's Vital Statistics: 
Waist: 18"
Hips: 33"
Bust: 36"

Normal Woman's Vital Statistics (based from the measurements of an average woman):
Waist: 31"
Hips: 33"
Bust: 32"

Based from the above body statistics, normally, any woman will be dreaming to have the exact body to what Barbie has. Perhaps, it is any woman's dream. I admit, I'm dreaming I will be slim and look more beautiful like her. And one of those women who is well-known for her persistence to be the real life Barbie is Valeria Lukyanova, 28 years old, a Moldovan-Ukranian model.

Lukyanova is considered one of the highly criticized and most controversial in the modern standards of beauty. It questions how perfect beauty should be appreciated and seen to every woman. With this thought,  she even criticized the degeneration of beauty of the globe nowadays as compared to the 50s and 60s because of too much interracial marriages that are concurrently existing, in which from the past decades, there were lesser interracial relationships that happened than today. She has undergone a lot of plastic surgeries just to achieve the body like Barbie's. Stupid may it sounds, but that's what she did.

 Source of these photos: Google images

Right now, she doesn't eat nor drink something, not even water. I wonder how she does that. She said to interviews that she believes that she can live with just light and air. However, for normal woman's thinking, this is a concrete-example of how anorexia works.

The point here is, current trend of perfection and the thought of how "being beautiful" should be seen among society has really been dismantled. A lot thought that being beautiful is to suffer hunger just to maintain the body they wanted. A lot of women out there, including me, has grown to the thought that being beautiful is seen when you have the 36-24-36 body statistics. Hence, a lot of women who wish to lose weight and strive to be beautiful has done a lot of painful plastic surgeries and even so, painful and extreme hard core body exercises because of being scared to be humiliated by society since they show off what an outcast looks like. To fit in the society, these clear acts of beauty perfections have been prevalent nowadays. 

I really admire those people who are capable to show off what their body has got whether they are slim, fat, chubby or naturally thin. These people are able to show off the confidence that any woman should have amidst the imperfections they've got.

Source of these photos: Google images

 

This is the natural beauty that we should show off. Not those by-products of plastic surgeries and/or cosmetology. I do admit, I have my insecurities. I am chubby. I have 36-32-39 body statistics. It's big, yeah I know. But one's thing for sure, I love how I look like. This is what God has given me. No matter what I do, this has been my body. Yet, this won't prevent me from wearing what I want to wear. That's the most important. Above all, I am loved.

I pity those women out there who suffer the disease of beauty perfection. For me, the deepest reason why they have such act towards their body is that, they have never realized how beautiful they are. With that, they thought that by being touched by injections and all those scary stuff, they will be beautiful. Yeah, they will, but it won't be forever.

Author's Notes:
I have done a lot of starvation from the past just to maintain the body I wanted years ago. I did a lot of painful exercises just to reach the desired goal. But none of these have been that effective to me. Instead, they made me more depressed. After many days, of not doing these things, I realized that I gained a bit weight but I don't care. What matters most to me are my dreams and that a lot of people are unconditionally loving and accepting me regardless of the body that I will be having.  Thus, there's no need to be insecure. Rather, accept what I have right now and thank God for giving me this kind of body and beauty that is rare. 

**I deem acknowledge the owners of the photo used in this blog. 

What life awaits ahead: A Big Change

Baby girl.
Girl.
Teenager.
First love.
First heartbreak.
Second love (:
Marriage.
Wife.
Pregnancy.
Motherhood.
Mama.

A life of a young lady changes dramatically once she gets the step of marriage. This is what they said. They even told me to get a lot of experiences as a youth or as a committed single lady before settling down. Yeah, I haven't traveled that much. But I already did a lot in my youthful days that not all ladies aren't able to do so. For me, these experiences are enough to prepare myself for the married life awaiting me there ahead.

These past few nights, I dreamed of something weird like being pregnant and being caught in a tsunami in a clear blue sea, as well as entering a house full of hanging white cloth. I researched what these things meant. They are interconnecting to my inner set of feelings which I usually suppress and don't express to anyone.  These dreams are telling me that I am setting myself to the tremendous changes that will happen to me in the near future. My feelings are suppressed because I am still somehow fearful of what will be the outcome. But, it generally tells me that I am ready.

I don't know what precautions I should do to really tell myself that I am already set for the new battle that I will be in. I can't even tell myself that I have achieved the ultimate preparation of the changes that will be encountered as I go along in this journey of my life. I can't even tell myself that I know what outcomes that will pop out since I am not God to know them. What I just have here in my hands now is my faith.

God has given me sets of skills and talents which I don't understand why I have this versatility. Later then, I realized that these are meant for the battles, the risks that I will be dealing with an unknown risky life in the future. I don't know my future and how will I look like. But for sure, I am married to the man I am sure of. I am sure of. For sure, he will be the one who will be at the back apart from my family who have been there when I was still a baby. But then, in this new journey, my family is giving their supposed responsibility to the new person, whom they entrusted their daughter with. He is the man whom my family trusted to be at my back as I go to the risky battles of life. At my young age, I seek exploration of the world and learn how wonderful it is. At this stage of life, I also expect him to be supportive of this endeavor. This is not a selfish act. But, the new-model of mutualism. I support him to his every decision towards life and its changes; he, too, supports me to my endeavors. We both know what we wanted. We are clear to that.

The main point of this article is just mere expression of what I feel towards the biggest change that will happen to me in the nearest date. With this, I felt mixed fear and excitement to this new world that I will be facing. Hence, I wish to have the biggest support from the people around me because for sure, I can't handle this myself, especially my lifetime partner.

In advance, I wish to thank him and also my family who have been so patient and understanding to me. I am one of their challenging dealings so far in their lives. Thank you so much for being with me. You are truly a blessing from me. I love you all! I love you, Schatz. :)

Author's Notes:
I am just expressing things from my heart. I'm a bit fearful of what things may come along because it's my first time to be far away from my family. And the date is getting nearer. May God be with me as I face new chapter there, in a new, strange place. So far, this is the biggest challenge that I will be taking. I know there are bigger to come. So help me God. 

The Power of Two: How power couples survive marriage

A lot may wonder why in the midst of the heartbreaking realities of marriage trends the majority of the society today, there are still couples who are able to stick to their vows in their lifetime. There are several examples like Neil Sedaka and Leba Strassberg who have been married since 1962; Bono and Ali Hewson, married in 1982. These power couples are able to surpass the challenges together as one. And these couples admired me most.

I'm aware that marriage is a roller coaster ride. It's not just a world of unreal imagery of couples but rather, a sustainable hard work that makes up the strength of the couples. Divorce has been legalized from the past years. In the Philippines, we are yet to become one of the countries to have it legalized since it's a contradictory to the Christian doctrines of marriage which the two married people should stick to their vows until the end. That is why, separating or divorcing in this country seems to be impossible without money and influence.

A lot of young couples or those couples who have just started their relationship, have these myths in mind that they thought may affect them especially their marriage.

Myth #1: Marrying too young increases risks of divorce
However, although the world is oriented to the thought of gaming the concept of marriage, still, not all couples are believing to this kind of idea. With this thought, I really admire to these people who are able to do this though some married at an early age. Some married in their early 20's just like Neil Sedaka who was just 23 years old at the time when he married Leba. Ali Hewson, on the other hand, was just 21 when she married Bono, who was just around a year older when they got married. This just means that age doesn't matter when it comes to marital responsibilities.

Myth #2: Astrologically incompatible
A lot of sites are telling stars matching between couples will determine how they are when they married and how they will affect marital life. As such, like in my case. I am a Sagittarius and my boyfriend is a Cancer. All sites are telling that this combination will have a turbulent marriage because of bad combination of personalities. They even said that this combination should be avoided. I told myself, if we don't match because it will just lead to turbulent relationship, why we almost match to anything even right now? I know we are still in the stage of not-yet-married, and I am aware that there will be changes once we will get into the situation, but there will be not much changes after all. Our interests, hobbies, likes, dislikes, will be just the same as it is. With these thoughts, I realized that the stars don't determine my life, because it's my decision and my behavior that will affect my relationship to him.

Myth #3: As long as you're in love, you will last.
Yeah, being in the phase where the oxytocin, a hormone responsible for making people in love, is still at its peak, it will create an impression that the couple will last. But, to be realistic enough, let's take a note that it's not just the being-in-love state will be the key to a happy and a long-lasting relationship. What if, you don't have stable finances and you're already married, what will happen if crisis in the future family will come. Good for those self-employed, although they don't have fixed income, at least they are earning and they are sure money will just be around. How about those other who don't have a job? Or, still fickle to working decisions, what will happen? To have a happy marriage, couples should think that it's not just love who will sustain the bond among them, but also the other key factors like trust, financial stability, acceptance, patience, faith, and prayer. With these things, for sure, the couples will have the strongest bond and will have an assurance that their marriage will last.

With these few myths that I just thought of impromptu, while typing the words from my mind, I hope these will help us sustain the "Power of Two". This is how God made marriage. Two different people lovingly cuddles each other while being responsible of their demeanor through respect and acceptance as well as trust with their partners.

Author's Notes:
These things that I have noted are directly from my mind. A direct thought that just pop out and directly encode. No editing. Just a mere thought, with a couple of research.

Behind this reason why I managed to write this blog is to express how I love to have a family of my own and really establish a stable relationship with my boyfriend and have a stable and strong foundation of love and in the future, marriage. It may not be simple as is sounds, but then again, with hard work and understanding from the two of us, no matter how much differences we may have and no matter how the stars denies the compatibility of our lives, it's still the acceptance and trust with the power of our love for each other that will lock the possibilities of a heartbreaking experience. We both failed from the pasts. Hence, these encounters taught us how to prevent that same pain again for each other. With God guiding us all along, we both believe that this relationship that we have right now will last until our lifetime.

I love you, Schatz! So much. God bless us both, dear. :)

Deepening Trust: How I learned it that much?

Just a thought
Probably, a lot of people will say it's not easy to trust or to trust one person. But, usually this depends upon the person per se. A lot of reasons behind it why people's ability to trust is affected much easily and why people don't place their trust to someone as easy as the others. Maybe, they may be in pain before that we don't know or maybe they are victims of how painful realities of trust is. Trust is such a big idea to explore and to deepen. Trust is not just an idea that any individual could think of. Trust is a mystery itself that we don't see in reality but it's there present in our hearts. In silence, it's doing something to keep the balance of life and to retain the interconnectedness of one another, as we go along this journey of our limited life.

Many references will define trust. But, for me, trust is deeper than how Wikipedia or Meriam or any thesaurus will describe. A lot of words are placed there to describe how trust is and should be. It's limited. We know that trust is a belief to someone with all complete honesty and sincerity as well as reliance to anything a man could ever think of based on agreements between the people.

Well, that is how trust is defined. It's how scholars see it. It's simple, right? It can even be defined with one sentence. But, how come experiencing trust is something like a different story.

Mine is nothing extraordinary. It may be already heard from elsewhere. But, personally, the experience is deeper than what I have expected. I never knew that trust is something bigger than how dictionaries define it. I thought it was just a simple and plain truth of life. But, it's nothing easy to deal with. It's not.

I am woman with assertiveness and wit. Everyone knows that. I am someone anyone could praise of. I was once a woman with complete power and fame. But, I easily trust to someone. I give them their responsibilities and designated them to their areas and thought that I learned to trust them. Maybe, I did. But, it wasn't yet the complete truth. That experience was still a pinkie of everything that I will be undergoing all throughout.

First trial of Trust: As a student council president
Way back, when I was still a student council president, I was given such power to give the last word of every decision, that every bit of it means a lot of everyone and a bit of it will affect the entire system and the entire student body. At first, I know trust. Based from dictionaries, yes, as an intellectual, I know. But never in my life that I will be tested with it. Well, going back, I have given my staff their respective responsibilities. I thought it was trust for me. You know, leaving your people behind to work out a certain thing that you visualize as a leader. They looked upon me, to every decisions that they asked. But, it was not. It was just totally an idealistic view of trust, where I can just leave my people behind completely that it came to the point that I didn't knew what was going on.

Lesson learned: 
Never trust anyone 100% because I may not know who will kill me by my own kindness.

Reason:
I don't trust anyone 100% because I may not know how people will kill me with my kindness. I was way too stupid to think that everyone can be trusted. I didn't knew that trust is simply an idea where it will kept by anyone. A value that I share with them that I expected to be kept within their hearts and be left sealed. After that moment, where I didn't knew I was back-stabbed by my own staff (I can say most of them), I realized that it's not good to completely trust anyone, especially that I am a person in power. I should always be vigilant and alert to these people whom I have given my trust.

Second trial of Trust (Batch/As a whole): As an online lover/friend
After college, I was delved with online chatting. So I have chatted a lot of them and even made close to them and really made some attachments to them. After loosing my ability to complete trust anyone after my terrible experience way back, I thought I have already my strongest fence to these predators. But, I didn't have it. I thought trust can be gained back. But, I didn't. I trusted them that they will be true to me, but after a year of chatting almost every continent in the world, I didn't have that complete experience that I'm looking for. From these, I told myself, I don't have a space in this online world. Even online, or even up-close and personal, no one can be trusted.

Lesson learned: 
Guard my heart from those heartless predators. Don't trust anyone else.

Reason: 
In virtual world, where internet is highly a slam in this techie era, it's really inevitable to desire at least to make friends online and really make online connections with the people from the different parts of the globe. I thought that it's safe here from painful experiences or if I will have broken promises here, maybe I will be at least, be able to stand from these victimizing acts from people especially my trust since we are not in the same continent or I am not in person with them and because I am deeply aware that it's my heart that will suffer if I will loose my gates to them.

Third trial of trust: As a long-distance girlfriend
I also met my boyfriend from Germany online. After one month of no chatting from people, here I go again, chat anyone again. Then, I finally met him. He seemed different from the rest of the guys I know. And definitely, he's not stupid. So, I like him from the first time I met him via Skype. We chatted everyday. Every night, too, especially that time when I was still working as a teacher. Not until around mid-May to early July, where our chances of chatting is getting lesser every week, I was greatly tested with trust again. I was then so sad. I read a lot of blogs, articles on how to handle such depression of his absence but none of them became that effective to me. It came to the point that we didn't chat for one week. Only leaving messages from the first two days, not consecutive, it was alternating days. Today, leave message and tomorrow, none. So, it was terrible for me. One blog suggested that in a long distance relationship, regular communication is a must to prevent shaky trust to your partner. But then, during that time, our communication was lesser than we both thought, especially in the early July where we didn't chat at all.

Lesson learned: 
Ironic may it seems, but trust the person 100%.

Reason:
"Just trust me. That's all that I've been asking for." That's what he always plead from me ever since. I know he needs that, because I need that, too, from him. We are in a long distance relationship. From this moment, I realized, that trust is something about responsibility. It's an effort to make it work based from the foundations of trust. It's not easy. But, it's worth the experience. It took me years after which I discovered more about it until such time that my romantic life was a complete test for me as an individual about trust. It is an entirely different from my previous experiences.

Conclusion: 
It's not easy to trust, especially that you've been broken before from your past relationships or terrible painful life experiences from betrayals, distrusts, etc. I know that it's not easy to give it a shot once again, because as human beings it's a natural coping mechanism to make defenses from possible attacks of predators around, searching for our weaknesses and kill us. But you know, what I learned, it's deeper.

Trust is connected with love. Trust is love and love is trust. We can't trust if we don't love. We can't teach ourselves to trust if we don't teach ourselves to love, too. It's connected. No matter how much we try to separate them, but they're naturally instinctive and interconnected. I realized that by trusting someone, it's always a tricky part. Since in giving someone our trust, it's also like giving your heart to them. So, it's also a responsibility to keep it closed and sealed, as promised. Trust will never exist without someone to give to. You cannot give trust if you don't have someone to give it to. You can trust yourself, but without loving yourself, how can you trust yourself you can do it? It's just the same as trusting someone else.

Therefore, I define trust as a value or a belief that any individual can give to both self and others based from what was promised and based from the depth of love that any individual has given to as related to responsibility and 100% effort, which can be affected by some external factors that affects it's depth and shallowness depending upon the degree of pain and capacity for self-defense. It is something that the person entrusted with trust should also work to maintain the fragility of trust and also, the person who give it by believing this person will be able to make it work. Trust is an effort, not just a value because trust is love and love is responsibility.

This is how I defined trust. How about you?  

Author's Notes:
1 John 5:13:15
"I have written this to you to believe in the name of the Son of God, so that you may know you have eternal life. And we are confident that he hears us whenever we ask for anything that pleases him. And since we know he hears us when we make requests, we also know that he will give us what we ask for."

This is how God taught me to regain my ability to trust once again. This is also the verse I've read just hours before my boyfriend popped up from Skype and chatted once again from one week of absence. Thus, this verse means a lot to me. Thanks, Lord for giving him to me. I promise to treasure him for the rest of my life. Amen.   

Feeling odd

It may not be quite normal for me to be so silent especially this past few days that I am always alone in the house. It may not be also quite normal for me to be so deep more often than the past years, reflecting on what I did. Above all, it may not be quite normal for me to forget a day about him.

I may not be able to understand things now. But, soon I will. Things running differently now compared from the past months. It came across to my mind when he started to work for the better future. And with that, I'll give him my sincerest applause. No man could ever do so much to me just like what he is doing. I may not be able to say that he is doing so well and so hard just to earn a buck to save all the time, but deep inside my heart, I duly acknowledge all of his efforts.

I don't know to what angle I should see to see the varied stories I could get from these experiences. It maybe the death-terrifying experiences of mine or the silence or maybe the distance that we should have. I should say, "space".

I don't know what he is up to now from days of not seeing him. No talking. No chatting. Just complete silence. I don't know what to think about. I don't know how is he by now.

I courageously talked to my mom about it and she told me a lot of advice about handling it. With all the things she said, only this strike up my mind. "Reserve something for yourself." After she having said that, it really made me a lot of thinking that until now, these words are still playing inside my head. Maybe, I just love him too much that I didn't made something for myself a reservation. Maybe, I have been too attached too him from everyday talking to him and I've been used to this system after several months of speaking to him ever single day since then.

Right now, it's a challenge for me to face the word: CHANGE.

This is consistent to this finite world I am living in. This word has been the only thing that people see and live with as they go along the waves of life. But for me, it's quite a big challenge to undertake. My mom said, "It's easy to go along with it." For me, it's not.

I hope he is able to read this blog right now. If he can't sign in to Skype for some personal reasons. I don't have any other means to communicate with him. Just a simple thought to keep for me.

No matter what he is doing right now though he didn't chatted me for two days in a row now, I wish him the best and success in these things. If he wishes space, it's fine. He has tons of work to do, so I just hope that he can finish all of these in due time. It's his right that I'll give him. I just want to say these things to him in bullets.

First, I really appreciate all his efforts he has done for his self and for us. He has done a lot than me. I'm just staying at home for months, left unproductive. Leaving him all these work. I'm really sorry for that part. Though I don't emphasize this much in most of our conversations, but, I just want him to think that I am just always here for him no matter what. He is the best man I could ever have. Darn it, he is the only man I will love. He has worked a lot. Kudos!

Second, I just realized how life changes. It's a big break for me. I know. For several years of rushing, now left several months of staying at home, left unproductive. It's tough. Really tough. From the start of everyday chatting, now nothing. It's leaving some heavy hearts for me. Reading no messages from Skype, so it's like I don't have anything to understand a thing here. So, just created some thoughts that maybe he's working or sleeping all day. I just tried to assume things out here now. Or maybe, he just wanted some space. I don't know.

Third, I just have to adjust. From a dramatic 70s love story of Jenny and Oliver of "Love Story (1970)" to Holly and Milo of "Holly's Holiday (2012)" with full of sarcasm and wit. In this way, it made me challenge the thought of forever. It's like I really realized, that it's not easy to make "forever" a reality. See, we are 11,497 miles apart and we are residing from exactly two sides of the world. So, seeing each other, adjusting schedules just to see each other is a tough thing for us. And as much as we wanted to be with each other, it's like, it's so tough to balance reality and the virtual romance.  

Setting aside these things, just a last thought. In general, I am just used to everyday chats. We talked a lot of things, laughed of so many things, shared a lot of things, cried and confessed a lot of things, even the most private matters are known to each other for these past few months. Every single night, way back when I was working, I never regret to stay up so late and slept in my classes just to see him. In his night time, I drenched up my chores just to see him. Well, these was when he was still staying a lot in the house. But, right now, I just thought of these things, just merely recalling all these memories we have back together. I just have to deal with the idea, that these things will never happen again. You know, several hours of chatting is too impossible. Chatting twice a day, is really tough, so tough for him to be consistent of. For me, it's cool since I am just staying at home. But for him, it's not because he is working. So, then again, I have to give him his space for that part.

In sum, it will all leave to the idea of understanding and patience. It's just up to me on how to deal with these things. But, this is my only condition for him. At least, leave me just a single message everyday so I won't worry too much. I love him. And so he does. I just missed him so much. Hope he does, too.

;'(